Scent of Pleasure
by sittingandwritingcausewhynot
Summary: After spending only one night together, without even knowing each other names, Dan and Phil go separate ways. Then, a few months later, Dan is in desperate need to find a place to live. He finds an advert in a newspaper and decides to check out the flat. Everything goes smoothly - until he finds out who the other tenant is. Phan AU. Rated M for any future possibilities.
1. Chapter 1

**Dan's POV**

The monotone electronic music hits me as soon as I enter the club. _I hate this kind of music. _Almost all of the people are swaying their hips to the rhythm but not me. _What am I even doing here?_ I just want to go home, watch some TV shows on Netflix and then search gifs after it on Tumblr. That sounds like a perfect evening. Being in a nightclub does not. It's my worst nightmare. Why would someone spend their Thursday night here when in 6-ish hours they need to get up to go to school or work? I have never understood people who do that. Thankfully I have Fridays off, but that's not the reason for being here.

For a while now, there has been something I wanted to do. I never knew how or when, I just wanted to. And most certainly I had the difficulty figuring out the "who with" part. Then, a light bulb appeared. A random dude.

Okay, I know that's not the best solution, but I couldn't ask my friends. So a random guy would do. For now, at least. And after that… We'll see.

No, for fucks sake, there won't be an "after that". This is just a one-time-thing, Dan. Everyone experiments, and the fact that I'm 19 just gives another good reason to the whole finding a random guy thing. So that's what I'm doing in this club. I am going to find someone who is willing to have a one night stand. And I'm not leaving until I find someone.

I go to the bar to grab a beer. From there, I'm checking the possible candidates. I could've gone to a gay bar or something, but I guess that would've been too much even for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything gays, I just… Don't know. I don't know.

I'm not gay. I've never had feelings for a guy either this way or that one. So why is the sudden need to experiment? I've got no clue. I'm curious, you could say that. I just… You know, want to experience that part of (my) sexuality.

I don't even know what, or more precisely _who, _should I look for. Do I find a good-looking one? Or just go for the first one who comes up to me? Or just go over that guy who's sitting at the end of counter, examining the content of his half empty beer glass?

I mean I'm sure girls would find him good-looking. As far as I can tell, he's got dark, maybe black hair. He has huge eyes, a roundish face… Oh what the hell, let's give it a try.

I walk over to him, sitting down next to him. Awkwardly I start picking the label of my beer bottle. How do people start any conversation? Furthermore, how do people start conversation with the people they want to sleep with?

'Hi.' _Bravo Dan, you did it._

He looks at, wondering whether I'm talking to him. He has bluish eyes which go amazingly with his black hair. 'Hello.'

For the next few seconds we're just sitting there in completely awkward silence. When I start speaking, I turn into this guy who is full of clichés. 'How's it going?'

'Uhm… Good.'

'Cool.' Urgh, small talk makes me cringe. I hate small talk it's awkward, it's weird, and honestly, why does it exist? 'So what you up to?' I ask. In reply, he just lifts is glass of beer. 'Cool,' I say again.

'Sorry, I have to ask. Not sure what you're doing here, so… What exactly are you doing here?'

_Daniel, it's now or never. Time to be witty, time to be smart, time to say something wonderful. You want to get laid, right? Think of something clever. _'I want to experiment with a guy. Just a one night stand, you know,' I say, the filter between my brain and mouth completely disappearing. _Or you could you say the truth and fuck everything up._

He's looking at me, like I'm a lunatic. I'm pretty sure I am a lunatic. 'Oh.'

'Yup.'

Well, he doesn't run away which completely surprises me. He just sits there, with the glass in his hand. Then with one big gulp, he drinks it all. Then he says something which more than surprises me. 'Me too.'

He stands up and signals me to follow him. And I actually do. He walks out of the club, then down the street. He doesn't wait for me to make sure I'm still there. But I guess that's okay. It's just a one night stand, not a frickin' relationship. And we don't have to do anything by the rules.

Thankfully, the club I went to is in neighbourhood with a lot of cheap hotels. Thank you, Manchester, for making sure people have sex in hotel rooms and not outside. That would be awkward for you and me both.

'Wait here,' he says when we get to one of the hotels. I don't know its name and it isn't important. He walks up to the counter while I'm waiting by the door. He is done in a few minutes. He nods his head and I follow him. We walk down the corridor, a lot of… interesting noises are coming from behind the closed doors. Urgh.

He unlocks a door then steps in, taking his coat down. I walk in, closing and locking to door behind him. And this is when things start to get a bit uncomfortable for me.

'So… How should we do it?' I ask.

'I guess we should get rid of the clothes or something.'

'Yeah, okay.' I start undressing but I'm not looking at him. I totally embarrassed, but for some reason I really want this. I glad I found this guy. I don't even know his name. 'What's your name, by the way?' I turn around. I'm about to take my boxers off, but I see that he's still wearing it. It's a plain red one that hugs his body. He really is good-looking.

'Names are not important,' he says walking towards me.

I involuntarily start backing off, until I hit the door. _That's it, Dan. It's now or never._ I take a deep breath when he is in front of me, like 2 inches from my body. Then he leans in, kissing me.

It's good, I guess. I mean, yes, it's obviously weird that I'm kissing a guy, but he's a really good kisser. My body (especially _that) _part reacts to him. For fucks sake, I'm still a teenager, not as horny as a 15-year-old, but I'd still fuck pretty much anything that moves.

I grab the back of his neck to pull him closer. He hugs my waist, his body is pressed against mine. It's cold, mine is hot, creating a weird yet great feeling. He really knows how to kiss. My insides start moving, wanting more, but he pulls away.

'Bed. Now.'

I nod, climbing into the bed. After this, I'm not going into detail, but let's just say, we do a little bit of experimenting, not the… whole scale. By the time we're through, I'm dead tired so I fall asleep there.

When I wake up only a few hours later, my head is pounding. I'm not hangover, I only had one beer, it's more of a sleep deprivation. I lift my head and I see he's gone. I don't know when he left, I don't really remember what really happened after my 3rd (4th?) orgasm. My brain kind of just gave up dealing with the feelings, sensations, scents, pleasures.

When I get up, I find a note on the bedside table.

_Thanks for the night. I left after you fell asleep, I have stuff to do._

There's no name, no see you later and definitely no phone number. But it has to be that way. No matter what happened, it was just a one night stand.

I dress up quickly then leave the room. I drop off the keys then I start walking back to my dorm room, thinking about the night. It was good, I guess. I mean I have nothing to compare it with, but yeah it was good. I liked it. But I won't go and fuck every guy who I see. It was good, but once was enough. It was merely an experiment, I don't have feeling I want to explore.

When I get home, I see the mess in my room. I know I can't avoid the cleaning so I shove my clothes into the wardrobe, put the books on the shelf, and pretty much I put every other knick-knacks on my desk. Then I grab the hover (me and my flatmates named him Harry) and hover the mess up. While I'm at it, I even hover the corridor and the kitchen. I'm surprised; I didn't know a good sex could make me do it. Plus I even do my laundry. But I don't even think about the guy. And by the end of the day, I even forget his face.

* * *

><p><strong>So, it's here. My Nanowrimo Phanfiction. And I'm dedicating the whole stuff to <strong>_Its-real-to-us _**and **_AccioPhandom. _**Thank you guys! And thanks everyone, hopefully it'll be half as good as the rest of the fics here! :) **[I'm not sure when the next chapter is going up, maybe later today, maybe tomorrow, but I'll keep writing it while I have this adrenaline rush.]**  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Phil's POV**

I get home around 3 in the morning and I'm exhausted. But I know I need to check my emails, so I turn on the damn computer. While it boots, I think about the guy.

He wanted to experiment, I wanted to get laid. So why did I tell him that I wanted to experiment? I guess if I had told him the truth, he would've freaked out. I'm glad though he didn't. It was good. Not the best, it might've been his first, but it was good. Kind of awkward, I remember him blushing a lot. I guess he was uncomfortable with it and just wanted to be done. I know this is cruel to say, but… I enjoyed it when I made him uncomfortable.

When I open my email account, I forget about him. _Bloody hell,_ I think. I've been gone for what, 4 hours? My inbox is full of things I need to do. I grab a piece of paper and start writing down the jobs. Being a web designer sometimes is so hard. People are demanding, they want everything done by yesterday.

2 hours later I can finally go to bed. I'm regretting now the whole going out thing. I should've just stayed at home and slept.

I dream about a brown haired guy. My one night stand. What is he doing in my dreams? Anyway, he's just running around in his boxers. Then he's running towards me, but his face is a blur now. That's what wakes me up. I look at the clock, it's only 7:09. With a grunt, I turn around and fall asleep again.

* * *

><p>For the next few weeks, I'm utterly busy. I'm working constantly, I barely have time to sleep. When I get home on a Friday night (thankfully, I have one whole day off), I find a note on slid under the door.<p>

_Phil, it's Mariam, please call me when you get home._

Mariam is my landlord, I'm renting this tiny hole from her. I wonder what she wants. So while putting a pizza in the oven, I call her.

'Phil? Hi, glad you called.'

'Hi, how are you?'

'I'm fine, thank you. Listen, our contract is ending soon and I was thinking about selling the flat. So I just wanted to ask you whether you'd stay there.'

'No, it's fine.' Thank God, I can finally get rid of this hole. I have enough money to rent a slightly bigger one. Or I could get a flatmate and we could have a proper big one. Yeah, that'd be the best.

'You sure?'

'Yup.'

'Okay, I'll stop by tomorrow and we can discuss everything. Take care, Phil.'

'You too. See you around.'

Well, I guess Phil, it's time to look for flats. Should I stay in Manchester? I mean I have my job here, but I could get another one in London, for example. Yeah, it would be good, but I really like Manchester, so for now I'm staying.

I'm pulling another all-nighter, but this time I'm looking for flats. I find some and they all look lovely. I know I need to check it out first. Or should I find someone to live with? I message some of my friends to ask whether they are looking for a place to live and a flatmate. Some of them reply, they all say no, but some completely just ignore me.

I make a to-do list. First thing there is to find a place to live. I write down a couple of phone numbers, deciding to call them in the morning. The second thing is to write ads. Newspapers and online, just to make sure.

Yeah, you should be okay.

I'm so not okay. I called a bunch of numbers this morning, but only one of the flats was still available. I said to the landlord that I want to check it out as soon as possible. I texted Mariam that I'm busy and got ready to check the flat out.

It is in central Manchester in a building with a lift. Thank God, I hate the stairs. And it did look good. I really liked it. But if I wanted to rent it, I'd have to get a flatmate.

'I kind of need to get a flatmate,' I say to the landlord.

'Yeah, sure. Do you want to find your own flatmate? Cause it's fine by me.'

'Yeah, I'd be happy.'

'Great! So are you taking it?'

After another quick look I nod. 'Yes.'

On my way home I call Mariam to tell her I found a place to live and that I'm moving there in 2 weeks. She promises to drop in later that evening to deal with everything.

When I get home, I post that add online and even place an ad. Oh, this is going to be fun…

* * *

><p><strong>I don't think this chapter is good, but this is all I could do after only sleeping for 2 hours. Meh.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Dan's POV**

For some reason, a few days after that night, I say yes when my friends drag me to a pub. I hate being social. Why would someone force me to be among other humans when I can just hide in my room? All I want is a good anime and my bed.

But they force me to go. And they don't stop until I say yes. So that's what I'm doing in that pub. Thankfully they buy me the first two rounds of beers. I'm not really into beer, but they forced me to come and I need something to dull me. But also beer makes me pee every five minutes. After my second glass of beer, I'm on my way to the loo.

When I step in, two guys are against the wall, kissing and going at it heavily. They don't notice me, but I must be a bit tipsy because I watch them for a few long seconds. I must say, it is hot, especially after what happened the other day. But when I go into one of the stalls, it freaks me out that I would think something like that.

Leaning against the door I start to wonder. I like girls, I like every single thing about them. And I never had a thing for guys. But I kind of liked it with that guy and when I saw those two kissing… I don't know. Maybe I'm drunk and I'm making up things.

2 minutes later, as I leave with stall, the two of them are still kissing. With a sigh, I ignore them and wash my hands. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder.

'Hey.' They actually stopped doing it and both of them are looking at me. The taller one, with short blonde hair is the guy who put his hand on my shoulder. 'You wanna join?'

'Uhm, I'll pass.' Otherwise I'd say something sarcastic and witty, but not this time, I'm a bit shocked.

'Sure, sugar? We could give you a good time.'

'Thanks for the offer, but I'll pass,' I say then I literally run away, back to my friends.

Yeah, I'm not gay. I did need that to clarify.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, this chapter is supershort, I know, but I felt like it was needed. The next one will be similar, chapter before they meet again, but from Phil's POV.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Phil's POV**

It's my mum's birthday on the next weekend, so no matter how much work I have, I'm going home. It's been a while since I saw them and I really want to go home. I don't brink much stuff, just my laptop, charger, few clothes and my mum's present – all stuffed in a duffel bag.

No one knows I'm coming home, so when I knock on the front door, my mum starts screaming.

'Philip! Oh, kiddo!' She hugs me. 'I'm so happy now!'

'Hey mum, happy birthday!' I kiss her cheek. 'How are you?'

'I just told you, silly kiddo. Come in, you hungry?'

'Starving.' Starvation is the only downside of moving out.

'Haha, how does spaghetti sound? Look, Michael, your son is here!' he says to dad, who's coming down the stairs.

'Hi dad!' He just nods and hugs me. My dad is a wonderful person. There are times when he doesn't say anything, then he does and it's the most perfect thing. I'm so lucky I had him growing up, he had so much love for mum, for Martin, for me. Speaking of Martin…

'Heyyo dickface!' he says as he walks towards me.

'Hey, poopy head!' I laugh as I hug him. Ah, it's great to be home.

I can only spend a day there, though. I have work to do, so I have to go back on Sunday morning. My dad drives me to the train station and makes me promise to come back in a month or so.

The train ride back to Manchester is a bit longer than one hour. I sit down, next to the window, looking at the scenery. Then after the next stop, someone taps on my shoulder.

'Uhm, excuse me, that's my seat.' I look at him, his holding one of those reservation cards. I quickly check the headboard and there it is.

'Oh, I'm so sorry.' I grab my stuff and let him take the seat. I look around, totally embarrassed, but there's only one seat left: next to him.

'Thanks.' He smiles, then watches me as I try to find another empty seat. 'You know, you can sit here.'

'Thank you.' So I sit down, still totally embarrassed. He is… wow. Light brown hair, square jaw and several days' worth of stubble. I just… I don't, do I wanna talk to him.

'Where are you getting off?' he asks which totally surprises me. Sexy people don't talk to me, people don't talk to be on trains and sexy people definitely don't talk to me trains. What is happening?

'Manchester. You?'

'Oh, nice. Me too.' He smiles and I'm dead. His smile is the sexiest smile I've ever seen. Almost a grin.

So we talk. About everything and nothing. His name is Adam, works as a freelance journalist throughout the UK. Though he lives in London, he had a job in Blackburn, then he has one in Manchester before heading back to London. The more I talk to him, to more I realise he has a kind of vibe that makes him irresistible. And he cares about what I do. To be honest, I don't think he's gay, but hey, nowadays who knows?

'So, I guess this is us,' I say when I recognise the outer parts of Manchester. When the train starts slowing down we follow the crowd walking towards the door.

Then that's it. We're standing on the platform. And it's kind of awkward, because I don't know what to do. Do I ask for his number? Or just say bye and run away?

'I'm glad I met you, Phil,' he says while taking a step forward.

'Yeah, me too. So…'

'So…' He smirks – I'm honest to God, his smirk is even sexier than his smile and without asking or saying anything, he kisses me. And it's a really good kiss, the type where your inside gets all warm and gooey. It only lasts for a few moments, then he looks at me with questions in his eyes. 'I'm… sorry. I shouldn't have done it, I just assumed…'

'Oh yeah, you should have. You totally should have.'

This time I kiss him, putting my hand on his upper arm. Wow. Just. Wow.

He pulls away, laughing a bit. 'You definitely know how to make a guy feel like a teenaged girl.' He licks his lips and I'm dead again. 'So, tonight? Dinner with me?'

'Sounds great.' I am truly surprised how quickly we just clicked.

'Give me your number, okay?' He hands me his phone, and I type in my number, then give it back to him. 'Thanks. I could write Phil as the name but… Okay, I know this is quick, but does anyone call you Pip?'

'Uh, no. No one has ever called me that.'

'Well, now I do.'

So yeah, that's the story of how Adam and I started going out.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I know, this is the complete opposite of Phan, but trust me, we need this chapter and we need Adam.<strong>

**Fun fact: while I was writing about Adam, I imagined Simon Monroe from In The Flesh.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Dan's POV**

Over the next few weeks, my life takes a new direction. No, it has nothing to do with that guy or those two guys. I just realise I hate studying law. I mean, yeah, it would be good if I had a degree, but… Would it worth it? I'd be an emotional wreck by the time I graduate.

Should I just drop out? But what would I do? There's nothing for me. McDonald's? Sure… Should I be some pathetic person, who works in a cubicle, who has the shittiest life? I'd be miserable. Plus, where would I move? I don't want to move back home, that would be a complete failure for me.

So then what exactly am I supposed to do? I can't stay here any longer, I feel like studying this suffocates me. I am definitely not enjoying it as much as I hoped I would. Should I just stay here because my family, my tutors expect me?

I need to talk to someone. And right after that I know who I'm going to be calling. There's only one person who I trust enough to give me the right advice.

'Dan!' Louise's cheerful voice always makes me happy.

'Hey, Louise. How are you doing?'

'Pretty good, I love being here! But what about you? Your last email made me a bit worried.'

'Yes, that's the reason I'm calling you.' And I tell her everything. She listens quietly, sometimes "hmms", but she lets me talk. I need to say everything otherwise it would just crash me. 'So, that's it,' I say when I'm done. 'What should I do, Lou?'

'Dan, if you're unhappy, don't stay there. A degree doesn't worth anything if you're depressed and you hate your whole life.'

'So you think I should just drop out?'

'Talk to your parents first, okay? I just gave you some advice, so don't do anything, talk to them first, okay?'

'Yeah. Thanks, Louise, I'm so glad I have you.'

'Haha, me too, muffin.' I love it when she calls me muffin. We're just friends, we've always been just friends, she's one of my best friends ever. 'I gotta go, but call me later, yeah?'

'Will do. Thanks again, Lou.'

Louise is right. The whole thing doesn't worth anything if my life is this miserable. So I call my mum and tell her everything. She understands; she even says she saw this coming. But I guess that's just being a mum: they always know everything.

When I tell her that I want to stay here in Manchester, she's surprised.

'I thought you were coming home.'

'No, I… That would be a step back. I need to figure something out. I'll find a job, so I can rent a room or something and you don't have to give me money.'

'That's not it Dan, you know that. But okay, if you want to stay there, I support you. Do you want me and your dad to help you find a place?'

'I'll be fine, I think. Thank you, though.'

'Sure, honey. Find a place, then deal with all the university related paper work, okay?'

'Okay. I'll call you when I find something.'

Logging into my computer, I start searching for rooms in Manchester. But it's the internet, I don't really find anything good. I decide to do it the old way: a newspaper.

I have no idea why would someone put an ad in a newspaper, but I do find quite a few. I start ringing the numbers, and, being socially inept, I manage to mumble quite a few times. Most of the rooms are gone, apart from one. I talk to a guy with deep voice. He's either a psycho or a paedophile, but I decide to check out the room. I'm that desperate. He gives me the address and I say I'll be there at seven.

I have a couple of hours before that so I start packing. Why, you ask. With or without a place to live, I'm not staying here. I'd rather go home. But I'm sure Louise would let me crash on her couch for a few weeks. I could cook for her or something.

By 6:30, one of my suitcases is full. I really want to move. Grabbing my keys and phone I head out. It's not that far, so I'm walking. On my way there, I'm listening to Muse, meanwhile trying to figure out what the fucking fuck I should do with my life.

I can't draw, so any art related is a huge nope. No acting, but I guess I could do movies. I won an award back in college, so I guess I should improve my skills. Or maybe I could learn how to cook or something and I could find a job in a restaurant that isn't McDonald's.

_Oh, you're here. _I think, totally surprised. The walk was even shorter than I expected. I walk up to the main door and I start looking for number 23 on the buzzer.

'Hello?' the guy says over the static.

'Uhm, hi, we've talked about the room…'

'Oh yeah. Seventh floor, come on in.'

He lets me in and when I'm in the building, I let out a relieved sigh. There's a lift. I hate any kind of exercise, including anything with stairs.

Then I'm there, in front of the door. _Well Dan, this could be the moment when your life changes. _He opens the door and…

'You've gotta be kidding me,' I say when I see who he is.

* * *

><p><strong>Uuhm, yeah. I don't know, for some reason my chapters are not working. They're lame and kind of meh... But everything for the wordcount!<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Phil's POV**

'You've gotta be kidding me,' he says when I open the door. Honestly, that's what I think too.

Although I don't really remember every little detail, I immediately know who he is. He's the guy who wanted to experiment. My last one night stand. I mean what are the chances? The universe wanted to have a laugh. Well, you got it, you little bastard.

'This is awkward.'

'Yeah, I should… I should just leave.'

He starts leaving but I stop him. 'Hey, you said you were in desperate need of a place. Do you think we can just move past that night? I really need a roommate, I can't afford this place on my own.'

He thinks for a few seconds, then nods. 'Only because I really need a room.'

He comes in, looking around. I feel uncomfortable, but I have to move past that. We're being adults now.

He's young, younger than I remembered. Not more than 20. His straight, dark brown hair hides his forehead. And he really is good-looking. Not in an I-want-to-have-sex-with-him kind of way, I've moved past that, he's cute or something like that.

'The room is this way. Second door on the left.' He starts walking towards the door and I follow him. 'I'm Phil, by the way. Phil Lester.'

He looks at me. 'So now you're telling me your name, huh?'

'Well, there's a possibility that you're moving in here, so yeah.'

He chuckles and opens the door. After looking around, he turns to me. 'Dan Howell. Nice place.'

'Thanks. So, do you like it?' He just shrugs. 'Listen, I really need a roommate and there are some people who want to check it out, so if… If you don't know, I guess we should just move on.' Okay, sometimes you have to lie. Only a few people called me and they were total weirdos. One guy told me he had an ant farm, and while there's nothing wrong with ant farms, I don't want one in my flat.

'Hey, could be drop this façade?' His voice is a bit angry and I don't know why.

'I'm… not really following you.'

'You try to make small talk, you act like everything is okay, when clearly it's not. We both know I should just get the fuck out of here.'

'I'm… This… It's not true.'

'Yeah, right. The place looks nice, the room would be great for me, but given our small history… Thanks, but no thanks.'

'Okay, I'm gonna ask you. How many place did you check out? Because there aren't many, and most of them are just disgusting. This is the best place you can find and it's not even that expensive. So I suggest you move on that thing and decide whether you want to live here or not.'

Before he can answer, there's a knock on the door. I'm not expecting anyone so it does surprise me. I open it and it's Adam.

'Hey, darling,' he says with a smile and kisses me.

'Adam! I thought… You said you'd be coming back next week.' I hug him. Oh, I missed him so badly.

'Yeah. I'm here, wanted to see your new place.' He comes in and immediately looks at… was his name Dan? 'Oh, hello.'

'Hi,' Dan says. Okay, now it completely awkward. To save the situation, I place my hand on Adam's shoulder.

'Adam, this is Dan. You know I said I needed to find a roommate and he's just checking out the place. Dan, this is Adam, my boyfriend.'

'Oh, nice to meet you.' Dan extends his hand which Adam shakes firmly.

Okay, I'm in deep trouble. As Adam and I met only after that night with Dan, he doesn't know anything about it. And I don't he needs to know.

'Yeah, you too. Discuss everything, okay? I'll be in your room, Pip.'

He walks past us. I'm really surprised when Dan turns around to watch Adam. A feel a little bit jealous although there's nothing to be jealous about. Adam really is hot and I know he's loyal like a dog. Okay, probably not the best simile, but I'm trying.

'So… You've got a boyfriend.'

'Yeah. We met after our night, so he doesn't need to know about it.'

'Riiiight.' He laughs, but it's filled with sarcasm. Don't ask how, it just is. 'Yeah, I should get going.'

'Do you want the room or not?'

He thinks for a moment, all that sarcastic, a bit annoying act disappearing. 'Can I think about it? I mean, yeah, I want it, but I'm not sure I should take it after… You know.'

'Sure.'

'I'll call you tomorrow,' he says walking out. When he's standing outside of the apartment, he looks at me. 'Adam seems like a great guy.'

'He is.'

He smiles and leaves. I close and lock the door behind him, thinking apart from the whole thing, he'd make a great roommate.

I go to my bedroom where Adam is on my bed, typing on his laptop. I lie down next to him, putting my head on his chest, thus blocking his view. He closes the lid, and starts running his fingers through my hair.

'I missed you,' he says, smiling sadly.

'You're here now. I hate that you live so far away, but when I see you it's always the best.'

'I know.' He places a kiss on my forehead. 'So, is he taking the room?'

'He said he'd call tomorrow. I hope he is, though. Without him or any roomie, I need to move out.'

'You know, I could move in.'

'We've talked about it, Adam,' I say, sighing a bit. Yes, of course Adam was my first thought but then we talked about it and decided it'd be really fast.

'Just a thought. Hey, I'm starving. Pizza and movie?'

'Sounds great.'

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I know the whole thing is progressing way too fast, but this fic is not only about the awkwardness caused by their night together then the possibility of moving in together. There'll be other stuff too. :)<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Dan's POV**

When I get home, I just lie down on my bed and I know it's time for a quarter-life crisis mixed with cringe attack. It was so awkward. I didn't want to say half of the things I said. Who the fuck uses façade? And why did I turn around to look at his boyfriend?

Okay, I must admit, he is hot. Not that I want to do anything about it, but hey, even I can recognise aesthetic beauty. But I secretly thought that he had a great bottom. What. What?!

_Dan, stay focused. _The room. I have no idea what to do about it. That is the most perfect room I can find in such short notice, but can I live with someone who I had a one night stand? Yeah, probably we'd be okay after a few weeks but still. I need my Lou.

I call her and tell her that I need my Lou right away. She says she'll be over in a few minutes. That means more time for moaning. This is just too much for me to handle. First the whole university thing, then finding a place, now him? It's like a really bad nightmare, only it's happening for real.

Even if I don't move in with him, I got the closure I wanted. Because I wanted one. He just left that night. I had two feelings. One side of me was happy, because he left. No awkwardness, no morning after. But then I also felt a bit mad. Yes, it was my first (and last) time with a guy, he could've at least made it easier for me. I didn't know what to expect. If I could go back, I would do differently. With or without him, but most likely without him.

A knock stops my thought train. It's Louise with a box of Maltesers. She knows me.

'Okay, tell me everything,' she says while opening the box.

'I… Kind of didn't tell you something.'

'Well, I'm listening now.' She takes a ball, then passes the box to me.

'A few weeks ago I realised there was always something I wanted to try. Please don't judge me for this. I don't know, I was curious, I guess. I just wanted to know what it felt like, how would I feel like after that. So I went to this bar or something like that. I chose that because I knew that my friends or anyone who could recognise me avoids that place. So I went there and I… I knew I needed to do it. I saw this guy, he looked great I guess. I walked up to him and started talking a bit, then he asked me what I was doing there and I told him I wanted to sleep with a guy to, you know, find out things. And we did. Okay, we didn't go all the way, just… Anyway, he left and I thought I would never saw him again. But I was content, because it was over and knew that I didn't want anymore. Then I started looking for flats just a few hours ago, and I found a really great one, even went to check it out. But guess who advertised the place?'

'The guy, huh?'

'Yup. So that's the story of how I met my one night stand again.'

'Uh, Dan, I'm sorry. What are you going to do?'

I lie down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. But no, it doesn't give me any answers. 'I don't know. The place would be perfect for me, it's close to everything, it's not that expensive. Do you think I should take it?'

'It's your call. If you really like the place and you think you can live with the guy, then I say go for it. But if you think it would be really awkward and you'd only remember him _that_ way,' she says "that" with a huge emphasis, 'then keep looking. You can always sleep at my place, you know that, right?'

'Yes, of course, Lou, but I need to fend for myself.'

'It'll be uncomfortable.'

'I know,' I say with a sigh. I sit up and I hug her. 'Thanks for being there for me.'

'Always muffin, always.'

I skip my classes the next morning. I just can't care. It's 11 when I wake up. After just lying in bed for half an hour, I get up and grab my phone. I let out a nervous sigh as I call the guy.

'Hello?' he says.

'Hi, it's uhm, Dan. The guy who's looking for a room.'

'Oh, hi. So, what's the verdict?'

'Is the room still available?' I say with a bit of awkwardness in my voice.

'Yeah, it's yours if you want it.'

'Then yeah, I want it.'

'Cool. I'll talk to the landlord and I'll call you back. It's Dan, right?'

'Yes.' So, I'm moving in with a guy who has a terrible memory. And who I also slept with. Oh joys, this is going to be one wonderful ride. 'Talk to you in a bit then.'

After we hang up, I call my mum to tell her to news. Well, not everything, I leave _that_ part out. She tells me that they're coming to see me the next weekend and I can't say no. Then she starts saying what I should pay attention to, that's when I zone out and start packing again.

5 minutes later she's done. 'Yeah, mum, I've gotta go. I'll speak to you later, okay? Love you, bye!' I quickly press the "End call" button before she could start another monologue.

A few minutes after that the guy calls. Was his name Phil? Jesus, I have a terrible memory too.

'Hi, it's Phil.' Yeah, his name is Phil. My memory isn't that bad after all. 'So, I spoke to the landlord, he said that he would like to meet you, but other than that, you're all set. He'll come around this afternoon, around 3, so if you could just pop in, sign the lease, that'd be great.'

'Yep, sure, I'll be there. So when can I move in? It's quite urgent.'

'Well, this evening, if that's okay for you.' I'm surprised how easily we can talk. Maybe we can make it work after all. Or maybe it's only awkward when we're talking face to face. 'Do you need help? Adam and I can give you a hand.'

'Uhm, thanks, I'll call my friend. But thanks.'

'Sure, no problem. See you this afternoon then.'

Before heading to Phil's flat, my new home, I need to get the university stuff done. So I stop by the student support office to withdraw. It goes smoothly and only 10 minutes after of getting there, I'm no longer a university student. They tell me that I have to leave my room by 10 am the next morning and that I should drop my keys of at the reception.

Well, I guess that's it. Sometimes you take ages to make a big choice then you just get it done in a few minutes. It's funny, you know. I spent _ages_ researching universities, courses, doing my personal statement, doing some course work, then there it is. All for nothing.

But I'm happy at least. There's no burden on my shoulders. I feel free, it is the best choice for me.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I kind of know that I should write longer chapters, but I just can't. Plus in fics I prefer shorter chapters. So yep. That's it for now. :)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Phil's POV**

Dan arrives 5 minutes before 3, dragging two suitcases. He looks at me, his eyes full of guilt. 'I have a lot of stuff, so I thought it'd be easier if I brought some stuff with me.'

'Yeah, sure.' I open the door and he wheels the suitcases in.

'Hi, Dan,' Adam says, smiling.

'Oh, hello.' Dan blushes and I'm not sure why. It's funny to see it. I mean I know what kind of powers Adam has. He could turn the straightest boy into a flaming homosexual. 'So… Is the landlord coming?'

'Yeah, he should be on his way now. You can put your stuff in your room, if you'd like.'

'Thank you,' he says quietly.

I sit on one of the bar stools. When he's out of sight, Adam steps in front of me. He puts is hand on my knee, squeezing it a bit. 'He'll make a great roommate.'

'You think so?'

'Yeah,' he lifts my hand up, kissing my knuckles. 'You're the type, who'd rather sit in his room all day. I guess he's the same kind. Just show him your games, and you'll get along well.'

'So you don't think it's a bit quick? I mean I don't know how this "find your roommates" thing works, but he called yesterday, and he's moving in already. What if he's a murderer?'

'Haha, stop that, darling.' He presses a kiss on my forehead. 'He's not.'

'Yeah, I'm not,' Dan says. He pulls up his shoulders when he looks at us. Is he uncomfortable, but not because of that night, but because of Adam and me? Because of our relationship?

'Just checking,' I say jokingly.

Dan keeps standing there awkwardly until the landlord arrives. Adam and I are talking, Adam tries to include Dan, but he keeps giving him short answers.

'So, Dan, what do you do?' Adam asks, turning towards him.

'Uhm, at the moment, nothing.'

'Okay, then what did you do?'

'I was at university, but I kind of dropped out.'

'What were you studying?' I ask.

'Law.'

We keep doing that uncomfortable small talk. Then the landlord gets there, and Dan seems relieved.

The whole process takes like 15 minutes. He signs everything, pays the deposit and then the first months' rent. I don't ask how he has that much money. I remember when I went to university, I was broke as hell. Maybe his parents are wealthy – but that's none of my concerns.

When he gets his keys, he smiles. Then he goes back to his university room to get all of his things.

'I know you're not the most outgoing person,' Adam says to me, once we're alone, 'but that kid is extremely shy. You should help him.'

'What am I, a fucking counsellor?' I don't swear, I hate swearing, but suddenly I'm mad. It's not enough that I met the guy I wanted to forget (I mean otherwise what would be the point of having a one night stand?) and he's moving in, but now my _boyfriend_ wants me to make Dan social.

'I don't mean it like that.'

'I know. I'm sorry.'

'It was just a thought.'

That night, after Dan moves in, we're all watching TV in the living room. He's just crouching on the armchair, just looking at the screen. Was this a good idea? I really hope so. I really hope we can make it work.

Adam leaves the next morning (and by morning I mean 3 am) to go to the airport. He's doing a report in South Africa. While I'm extremely proud of him, I just want him to be in the same country. But he loves his job and he has to do it.

I manage to go back to sleep after he leaves. When I get up for the second time, I hear some noises from the kitchen. I know I should go and talk to Dan, but… No, I can't. It would be still weird. Yes, eventually we have to talk, but not now. Maybe I'll give him time to settle in. Or I could suggest to invite his friends over, I could invite mine and we could have a housewarming party. I guess that could work, right? Us being social, being among our friends can make things a bit better, right?

When I hear his door room close, I get up, heading towards the kitchen. But I guess I miscalculated something, because he's in the kitchen. I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but he looks cute with his messy, wavy hair, oversized T-shirt and pyjama pants. _Phil, stop. He's your roommate. And you have a boyfriend._

'Morning,' I say, smiling a bit. Suddenly I'm aware of the fact that I'm wearing a pyjama top with lions on it. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, 22 or not 22, old habits die hard. I still have a soft spot for lions.

'Hi.'

I pour cereal into a bowl. 'So, what's your plan for today?'

'I kind of need to figure my life out. So, I'm not doing anything.' His sarcasm makes me laugh this time. 'You? Work?'

'Nah, I'm thinking of having a day off. I feel like we need to get to know each other.' He blushes and I need to continue. 'I mean as a person. I mean… I'll just stop talking,' I say taking the milk out of the fridge. 'I guess we can talk over some things… Or we could play videogames.'

'Yeah, first the things, then the videogames.'

So we talk. We agree to buy milk, toilet paper and anything else we share taking turns. We both buy separately what we need. If we want to buy something the other person might need, we talk about it first, and then, if we both want it, we share the costs. We agree to clean the flat together.

It's surprising how good we can cooperate. We put the past aside, lock it in a box and hide it. It's getting easier, but I feel like there's going to be a moment when the bomb explodes. And that is going to be messy.

After the serious business we play videogames. Dan is a really cool kid to play videogames with. He knows how or why he does what he does. When I ask him whether he spent much time playing with games he just shrugs and mumbles 'Yeah, we can say that.'

But we kind of get closer. I guess bonding over videogames is a great way to do it. He's less more uncomfortable with a controller in his hand.

'You know…' I say after our umpteenth minute of playing Call of Duty. 'I know there's still our history, but I'm glad that all of the people I could've ended up with, it's you.'

'Yeah. I'm trying really hard to ignore that night, but…' He wants to say something, but he bites his lip and his face turns crimson. 'Doesn't matter. Thanks for letting me rent the room.'

'No problem,' I say, nudging his shoulder with mine. 'Shall we continue?'


	9. Chapter 9

**Dan's POV**

I managed to do something with my life. I'm making short, commercial like clips and I upload them to a site. So far, I've got two jobs for two stores located in Manchester. And I really love it. It's fun to do it, and my skills get better and better every day.

Oh the other stuff… Okay, I guess living with Phil is not as bad as I thought it would be. I mean he's great. We've been playing a lot of videogames and we do talk. A lot. Not just stuff about us living together, but random, somewhat trivial stuff. Like when we can't sleep at 2 am, and we're in the living room watching some stupid comedy. I moved in only 3 weeks ago, but… I guess we got close. I seriously thought that given our night together, everything would be weird. But it's not. The whole thing seems to work.

And… There's another part. When we first played games together, I remember saying something ignoring the night and thankfully I did not finish that sentence. I wanted to say that I remembered his moans, sighs or the way he kissed my neck, making me shiver. It's weird. I never wanted more than that, but lately, I've been thinking about little things that happened that night. I still feel his long, thin fingers on my shoulder or the touch of his warm skin under my hand.

The whole thing doesn't freak me out anymore. It's more like the fact that I don't know what to do. Yes, I've been thinking about that night and him _that_ way as well. But… I spent the first 19 years of my life knowing that I'm not gay, that I'm not interested in guys that way. Then why is the sudden change of mind? Okay, not complete change of mind, because the thought of sleeping with guys who aren't Phil makes me feel weird. But every time I think about his almost silent moans or the way he playfully bit into my neck and jaw, it makes me want more. It makes me think that I want to… Shove Phil against a wall.

And this whole thing causes a bit of awkwardness again. I start spending more and more time in my room. When Phil asks I say that I'm working on projects. I _am _working on projects, but I also spend a lot of time on forums, seeking anonymous help from others. They say it is possible to be bisexual but have feelings for only one guy.

Do I? I mean do I have feeling for him apart from the whole "I want to shove him against a wall" thing? No, I can't. He has a boyfriend and they get on really well.

'Hey, Dan?' Phil knocks on my door.

'Yeah?' I say without getting up.

'So you know, we talked about a flat warming party or something like that and I thought we could do that next week.'

'Yeah, sure. How many people are we inviting?'

'Well, let's just say not too many. I'm not sure all of them will come, but hey, at least we tried.'

'Next Friday then?'

'Yep.'

Actually many of our friends show up. I invited Louise, her boyfriend, Matt, Jack and Finn. Of course I invite Chris, my crazy friend. He first says no, but after hours of begging, he agrees to come.

'This better worth it,' he says when I open the door.

'Yeah, I know, I owe you.'

'Of course you do. Where can I get something to drink?'

'First meet Phil, then you can drink.' So we walk over to Phil and a friend of his. Chris is looking around, but then he looks at Phil, or the other guy not sure, and I swear to God, he gasps. I never heard Chris gasp. 'Phil, this is one of my best friend, Chris Kendall. Chris, this is Phil Lester.' I look at the other guy. 'Sorry, don't know who you are.'

'PJ. PJ Ligouri,' he says, extending his hand. I shake it, then it's Chris's turn, but he's looking at PJ like a blind guy would look at the world if he was able to see again. _Jesus Dan, it's an awful simile._ 'Hi.' PJ says, and I'm sure Chris is gone. If you're looking for a mental bisexual with an awkward sense of humour who just have to love, it's Chris. He's one of the greatest guys I know.

'Heeeey.' And he's not even drunk.

Phil and I glance at each other and decide it would be better if we just walk away quietly before all the flirting begins. And it definitely does.

It's a great night, I must say. I introduce Phil to my friends, he introduces me to his friends. _(Okay, Dan a quick recap, let's see if you can remember the names: Alfie, Zoe… Joe? And I think there was a Karen, Carrie or something like that somewhere.) _So yes, it is a great night. After everyone knows everyone, I slowly start drinking. And by slowly I do mean slowly, but I consume a big amount of alcohol.

You see, I don't normally drink, because if I do, I make a fool out of myself. And I hate making a fool out of myself. But tonight I drink. With care, of course, I have no intention of ending up in a hospital. After a while someone turns up the music to a volume that's loud, but neighbours can't really complain about it and… I start dancing.

I have weird dance moves, I admit. But everyone is pretty drunk or tipsy at least so no one cares. And I have fun. I really do. I let go of everything, and I feel amazing. And it's fun. For the first time since I started the university, I feel great. I feel happy. I was miserable, now finally there's no studying and I get to be truly happy.

PJ and Chris are the first ones to leave. They spend the whole night together, and as far as I can remember, they only had one drink. But they leave together which makes me warm inside (or maybe it's just the beer and although I hate beer, I keep drinking it).

After them, around 2 am everyone is leaving. We're hugging each other, they thank us for the great night then they leave.

I'm not that tired so I decide to clean a bit. I still have half a bottle of beer left and I don't want to throw it out, so I drink it. Phil does the same with his. Yes, we had a great night. I'm glad it turned out to be quite a success.

By the time we finish putting the empty cans and bottles and plastic cups in a plastic bag, tiredness hits me. I just sit down on a sofa, next to Phil, who I'm sure is asleep by that time. But I'm far too drunk to tell asleep and not asleep apart.

'Philly? You sleeeeeeping?' I giggle.

'Nope, I'm awake,' he says, mid-yawn. I guess he's the tired drunk and I'm the constantly giggling drunk.

'It was a good evening, don't you think?' I move a little bit towards him and I put my hand on his thigh. He looks at me, but his eyes don't say "What are you doing?", they say "Who are you and why am I not asleep?". 'It was a goooood evening.'

'Yeah,' he says and then a huge smile appears on his face.

'You're beautiful, you know that, right? Beautiful and sexy. Seeeeexy.'

'You too, Danyul.'

I giggle because of the way he said my name. I look at his face and he's looking at me. Then the next thing I know is that I'm kissing him, or maybe he's kissing me, not sure, but we're kissing. I licks my lower lip then gently bites it. It makes me giggle again.

'I love your kisses,' I say but there's no response. I check him closely and I see he's asleep. 'You're just… Poof, I'm asleep.' I giggle again then the weird, thick blackness appears above me and I'm sleeping too.

After God knows how much time, I wake up, because I really need to pee. But there's also another thing. I feel weirdly comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. I mean my sleeping position. I look around in the dimly lit room only to see that my bed is Phil.

He's still sitting on the sofa, but I'm sitting on his lap, across him. I'm hugging his neck and he's hugging my waist, holding me there. I guess I'm still a bit drunk, because after I get up, I press a kiss on his lips.

'I need to pee,' I mumble heading to the bathroom. I even wash my face, and it helps me sober up a tiny bit. But I'm still drunk and I'm still sleepy, so I go to my room and fall asleep right after my head touches the pillow.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so far this is my favourite chapter in this fic. I don't know why, it was so easy to write it. Of course, it could be better. Anyway, hope you had fun reading it! :)<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Phil's POV**

I wake up, feeling groggy and aching all over my body. I ended up sleeping on the couch, but since I'm tall and the couch isn't that big, half of my body is just floating in the air. _What? That doesn't make sense, Phil._

After a quick glance at the clock, I see it's way past noon. My head is pounding, and I feel sick. I've never been this hangover. I go to the kitchen to drink water and take a paracetamol or something. I try to remember what happened, but after PJ left with Chris, my memories are really patchy. I remember hugging Carrie as she's leaving, the Dan and I were cleaning a bit. And I remember that we were talking on the couch but I'm not sure what it was about. And I have another memory too, although I'm not sure if it is a real memory or a memory of a dream.

But I do remember kissing Dan. And it was great. I know I didn't think about the consequence at that time, but I loved it. It was like kissing him for the first time. As far as I can tell, I think I liked it too.

However, now I feel guilty. I'm not the type of guy who cheats. I really like Adam. I really do. It could develop into love, even. But… There's something about Dan and the kiss only reminded me of that. Over the past few weeks we spent a lot of time together. And I don't know how I feel about him. I can tell the difference between what I feel when I think about a friend and when I think about him. It's… It's not friendship, it's something deeper than that. And as I mentioned, I really like Adam, but what I feel when it comes to Dan… It's something different. I don't know how, I can't explain it, I just do.

Is it possible that I have feelings for him? I mean _those _kind of feelings. I wanted to forget him, I _managed _to forget him, then he reappeared in my life. Is it fate? Does such thing exist? Is it the universe telling us that we're meant to be?

No. I am with Adam, who is like the greatest person ever. And I really, really, _really _like him.

The door of Dan's room opens, and he walks out like a zombie. It's quite funny to see him like that.

'Hey,' he says, covering his eyes.

'Morning. Paracetamol?'

'Yes, please.' Then we just stand there awkwardly, in an uncomfortable silence. I know he remembers. But we don't talk about it. 'Glad our friends could make it.'

'Yeah, it was a lovely evening. Have you heard anything from Chris?'

'No, but I think we both know the reason for that.'

'Haha, yeah.'

Should I mention last night? And what if it didn't actually happen? I'd be a total freak then. But… But… But now, as he's standing in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop… And he's biting his lower lip. Oh god, I totally got the hots for him, huh? _But you have Adam, Philip. Who is coming later today._

Wait what? Oh shit, Adam really is coming today.

'I need to take a shower,' I say casually, but the truth is, I just want to hide.

Okay, I hide from him all day long. I just can't face him. It's way too awkward for me, and for him too, I guess. Then thankfully, Adam arrives.

'Hey, Pip!' he says while hugging me tightly. As I hug him, I see Dan sitting on the couch and looking at us with a bit of jealousy in his eyes. He's smiling, but his smile is bittersweet. 'How are you, Dan?' Adam asks.

'Good, thanks. Still a bit hangover, but I'm working on it.'

'You know, greasy food always helps me. In fact, let me get food for you guys, okay?'

'But, Adam!' I try to say, but he's gone. So it's Dan and me again. I look at him, he's not envious anymore, he's clearly mad for some reason. 'So…'

'So… I guess we should talk.'

'About what?'

He clenches his fist, his knuckles get whiter and whiter. 'Well, I could tell you a few things. For example that kiss last night and then you hiding in your room all day.'

'Dan… I have a boyfriend.'

'You kissed me!' he yells. 'You fucking kissed me! I… I just… I thought it was going to be different!'

'What? We were drunk, drunk people make mistakes.'

'So now you think it was a mistake?'

'That's… That's not what I meant.'

'Then why the fuck didn't you tell me anything?' He starts shaking, his face is as red as my T-shirt, which is really red. 'You haven't said anything to me all day. At all! Now you hug your boyfriend like last night didn't happen. Have you stopped to think about it? To think about how I might feel.'

'Dan…' I try to say.

'It's the same dance over and over again! I can't fucking believe it.'

'It's not only about last night, is it?'

'Thank God, he finally realised!' He stands up and starts pacing around the living room. 'You just fucking left that night! You knew, you _knew,_ it was my first time with a guy, and you just fucking left!' He comes closer to me and I guess see that his eyes are filled with tears. 'I didn't know… I had questions! I… Everything would've been different!' I try to speak, but he interrupts me again. 'You just don't get it, do you? How do you think I feel about us moving in together? It was so embarrassing for me the next morning! Then we tried to act like everything was okay, but it's clearly not okay?'

'Dan, just shut up!' I say out loud, louder than necessary. 'I am sorry, okay? I am truly sorry! I didn't stay because I thought you were just "experimenting". Then you moved in and we had that party last night, then we kissed and…' I take a deep breath. 'And it was the best thing that happened to me yesterday. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't like it. But I can't do this, I have Adam and…'

'There's one more thing you need to understand. After that night I was so fucking cross with you, then we met again and I saw that you had this perfect life with Adam in it and now I feel like I was betrayed. I… I don't know why. I guess I was thinking we had something then that kissed destroyed everything.' He sighs. 'Could you please call the landlord? I'll move out.'

I just nod. That's the best thing we can do. 'I'm sorry.'

'Me too.'

* * *

><p><strong>So... Chapter 10 is here and sorry for all the swearing (there'll be a chapter with a lot more swearing). I'm really sorry. Hope you liked it tho. Reviews are always welcome and thank you so much for reading it and sticking with me! :)<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Dan's POV**

I don't want to move. I really don't. But I have to. Us, living together is poisonous for both of us. So I know the best thing to do now is to move out.

After I tell Phil that I'm moving out, I grab a few clothes and head over to Louise's. On the way there I realise I do indeed feel something for Phil. Not sure what. Just something. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at him, but it's better now. He knows at least. He needed to know.

Would things be different if he didn't have boyfriend? Or if that night didn't happen? I don't know. Too many what ifs. The only thing I know (and it further proves the theory that I have feelings for him) is that I fucking miss him. I was so used to having him in my life and now he's gone, our friendship is broken.

I wish that kiss didn't happen. But it did and on some level, I'm sort of glad it did. Phil is amazing person. I remember last night I said to him he was beautiful and sexy, and while I was intoxicated, I meant it.

Oh God. I was afraid of falling for a guy and here we are, I fell for him. I fell for him so deeply, so perfectly that everything and nothing makes sense.

Louise knows what's up. She just has to look at my face and she can tell straight away. She hugs me, but doesn't blame me. I guess she saw it coming. When I ask her if I could stay for a couple of days until I find something else, she says yes, but she also tells me that I need to get all my stuff as soon as possible, to tie up loose ends.

On Monday, I don't call Phil to tell him that I'm coming over. I go there around 2 pm, knowing he's at work. But I'm wrong. Phil is sitting on the couch staring at the TV. When he hears the door open, he stands up.

'Hey,' I say. He's alone. I guess Adam has another job somewhere.

'Dan.' His voice is relieved and he starts walking towards me. 'I am so sorry. You don't need to move out.'

'I do, actually. Have you called the landlord?'

'Yes, he's in France, he'll be back next week, if that's okay for you.'

'Yes, thank you.'

So we just stand there, looking at each other. The silence is thick and uncomfortable. What should I tell him? I think I've run out of things to say. By the time I manage to figure my life out, a huge bump appears. I don't think there's anything left to say. We could keep apologising, but honestly? I don't think this thing, this friendship or whatever this is, _was_, can be fixed. It's broken, it's beyond repair.

'Are you… Are you staying here until then?'

'No, I'm crashing on Louise's couch.'

'Oh.' He takes a step towards me. 'Listen, I know it's late now, but… I am absolutely sorry. If I had known…' He sighs.' I like you. A lot. And I don't care how childish this sounds, but I like you.'

I smile, but my smile is bittersweet. 'It's not late, Phil, but you have Adam and… I can't compete with him.'

'We broke up,' he says, that little sentence floating around us. '_I _broke up with him.' He takes another step towards me, now standing 2 feet from me. 'Because of you.' His voice nothing more than a whisper.

'Oh.'

I know, _I know_ that I should stop him or myself but I can't. He places his hands on my face, cupping it gently. His eyes are so beautiful and they are looking at me. 'Please stay,' he says quietly. 'Please don't leave me.'

'Phil…' I try to say something, but I don't know what. And I can't say anything, because he kisses me, softly pressing our lips together. I have to stay. I need to stay. I _want to_ stay. This is where I belong now.

'Please stay,' he says again.

'Okay.' I smile gently, but it gets wider as he hugs me. I press my nose against his neck. It reminds me of our night together. It's the most perfect scent ever. 'I'm staying.' I mumble against his skin.

'Look at me.' I do and he places a finger under my chin. 'Thank you.'

He kisses me again, but the kiss this time less gentle and much more passionate. He's still hugging my waist, keeping me close to his body. I run my fingers through his really soft hair. I smile as he playfully bites my lower lip.

He then starts kissing my neck while pushing me backwards. I know we're heading towards my bedroom. This time it will be different. This time it will be more serious. This time it won't be casual sex, it will be the manifestation of what's starting to look like… Love.

* * *

><p>And it is. I never knew I was a person who loved to cuddle. But I do. So we're lying in my bed, with my head on Phil's chest. My fingers are drawing abstract figures on chest and stomach while he's humming some melody.<p>

'Are you sleeping, Bear?'  
>'Bear?' I look up. 'Where did that come from?'<p>

'We were playing some game once and you had a hoodie on with a bear on it. I wanted to say that "You are the sexiest guy in a bear hoodie ever."'

'So that's why you thought I'd be Bear?' I laugh.

'Yeah.' He lifts my chin, pressing a kiss on my nose. 'I'm glad that you're here.'

'Me too,' I say smiling a bit and then I put my head back on his chest. I can hear his heartbeat, it's steady and strong.

'So… I have a question. When we first met, you said you only wanted to experiment. I presume you liked the experiment?'

'Hmm… If we… You know… The thought of sleeping with other guys make me feel weird. So I guess it's just you.'

'Ah, good to know.' We stay quiet for a moment. 'So are you just moving back or are you moving _in_?' He places a huge emphasis on the word "in" so I know what he means.

'No. I know things didn't go perfectly, but I want to do it right. You know, the whole thing.'

'The whole dating thing?' I look the other way, blushing hard. 'Hey, it's okay. We don't have to rush anything. We'll do it how you want to, okay? In fact, I'm taking you out to dinner. Tonight, okay?'

'You don't have to,' I mumble, 'that's not how I meant it.'

'But I want to. Have you been on the Manchester wheel?' I shake my head. I'm flabbergasted. I never thought I'd be going on a date with a guy, and here we are, he wants me to do it properly.

'Thank you,' I say quietly and I press a kiss on his cheek.

'Anytime, Bear. Anytime.'

He entwines our fingers and ruffles my hair. The fact that my feelings for him might be deeper than I ever imagined shocks me and makes me utterly happy at the same time.

'You should call the landlord. I'm not moving out, after all,' I say after a while.

'Good idea. Should we talk to Peej and Chris? I'm kind of worried.'

So we stay in bed, with our hands locked together, wearing nothing but duvet and we make the calls.

As it turns out, PJ and Chris did go home together back to PJ's flat and they haven't separated since. When I call Chris, he says they're on their way to Brighton as a pre-Christmas, post-getting together vacation. So they're together, I wish many happy nights together (well, I know Chris, I know how they're going to be spending most of their nights) then we say our goodbyes.

'All set,' Phil says, putting his arm around me.

'Chris and PJ are okay, they are dating, and they're going to Brighton.'

'Wow nice. So it turns out everyone found the place they belong.'

'Yes.' I move closer to Phil, pressing my nose close to his neck once again. His closeness, his scent, the touch of his warm skin, all those little things make me blissful.

* * *

><p><strong>So yeah, another chapter. Also watch PINOF6 before the next chapter, you'll need it. And maybe watch it after it too. Stay tuned... :P<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Phil's POV**

Oh my God. I did the one thing I wasn't supposed to do. Okay, two things I wasn't supposed to do. I'm disgusted. I know I had to do it otherwise Dan would've left, but… There had to be another way, right? But of course I chose the worst path ever.

I lied to Dan and cheated on Adam. I became the person I've always hated. My mum has always told me this: "If you're unhappy, leave. But do not ever cheat on that person. It's the worst thing to do." The thing is, I wasn't unhappy with Adam. I was happy. I was just happier when I was, when I am with Dan.

Why, why, why did I do this? I should've just told Dan the truth. He would've understood. He would've waited. But when he left, I thought I was never going to see him again. And that's why I did not break up with Adam. Then he came back and I knew I had to do something if I wanted to keep him.

I am a terrible, horrible person. I hate myself. And on top of it, Dan has fallen asleep hugging me, his head is still on my chest and as far as he knows, everything is wonderful and he's happy. I'm disgusted with myself. Both Dan and Adam deserve more. I have to tell them.

I don't know who the first one is going to be. Maybe Adam. If I tell Dan this soon, he'll hate me forever. I know he will. Adam went back to London, so theoretically all I have to do is that I need to tell Dan that I'm going to London for a job interview or something, but in reality I'm meeting with Adam. Yeah, that could work. Then I need to tell Dan and hope that he'll stay.

But first, the date. We really need to make some happy memories if I'm telling him the truth. Or should I tell him now? I hate… I hate the thought of lying to Dan. No, I'm gonna go to London, now. Yeah, I need to go.

I start getting up, but that wakes Dan up. He's hugging my waist tightly.

'Dan, I need to do something, please let me go,' I say quietly and he releases me. 'Don't worry, I just forgot that I have an interview.'

'Okay,' he says sleepily. 'I'm gonna stay here and sleep.'

'Sleep well, Bear.'

I'm on the next train heading towards London. I call Adam to make sure he's at home. He tells me that he just got home from a long day and he's really tired. All I say is that I have to tell him something face to face. When we say our goodbye, he's happy. And my heart breaks. I hate myself, why did I do this to them? I am the worst person ever.

I know this is not about me, I am well aware of that. This is about lying to Dan and cheating on Adam. The two people I cared the most about in the past couple of weeks. And I'm not saying it would be better if I cheated on Adam with some anonymous guy, because the whole cheating thing is just wrong. It's the fact that I cheated on Adam _with Dan_ and I also lied to him. I know Adam will leave me, he has to, not only because I want to be with Dan, but because I betrayed him.

Do I really want to be with Dan? Of course. But the question now is whether he wants to be with me? I have a strong feeling that no matter how I feel or what kind of feelings he has, he will leave me too. I deserve it. I deserve everything I get.

In two really short hours I'm in London. I spend the whole journey in self-loathing. Then after an even shorter taxi ride, I'm standing outside of Adam's building. I enter the well-known entrance code. He gave it to me after the first hour I spent at his place. He gave me everything and I betrayed him.

I knock on his front door. I can hear some cursing and some thumping, then Adam opens the door wrapped in a khaki blanket. He grins when he sees me and wants to kiss and hug me, but I look away. I can't look him in the eye.

'We need to talk,' I say the corniest sentence ever that no one wants to hear. Ever.

He nods and lets me in. I follow him into the living room where he turns off the TV then sits on the couch. I gestures me to sit down, but I just keep pacing in front of him. I don't know how I should tell him. Where should I begin?

'Pip, stop, you're freaking me out,' he says after a few minutes of silence.

'I am so, so, so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am, please yell at me, hit me, throw plates at me.'

'Pip…'

'I'm… I… I made a mistake. I am so… You are so p… I…' I just keep mumbling. I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath. 'I cheated on you.'

'I know,' he says quietly. For a moment, I don't know what to say. How can he know? Thankfully I continues. 'I mean I know this was meant to happen. It's Dan, isn't it?'

I could try and deny it, but I know there's no point. 'I am so sorry.'

'Thank you for telling me,' he says then he stands up. 'You know, I thought you were going to be different. That _we_ would be, our relationship would be different. I guess I was wrong. I always think that "Yes, this time everything will be perfect, nothing would be fucked up and we would live happily ever after." I always assume the best, I always think that the next guy is going to be the one who really, really cares about me.'

'I do ca…'

'Save your breath,' he says and walks towards the front door. I know this is it. It's over. 'Take care, _Phil.'_

'Adam, I am so sorry, I hate that I…'

'JUST FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY!' he yells.

And I do really walk away.

On my way back to Manchester, I think about the happy moments I shared with Adam. We were a great couple. We had fights, of course we had, but they were more like banters. We usually argued about takeaways and who'd use the shower first. There were moments, hours even, when I felt happier than ever. I loved when he visited me for the weekend or when he got back from a job, and just hugged me for long hours. But all of it is just gone.

It's really late by the time I get home. As soon as I open the door, Dan attacks me.

'What the actual fuck, Phil? Where the fuck have you been? Why couldn't you just fucking call me?' Dan's extremely cute when he's swearing. I guess, I won't be seeing that anymore either.

'I'm sorry, Dan!' I hug him for the last time. I hug him as tightly as possible. Then I step away and turn around. I couldn't face Adam, but when it comes to Dan… It's worse. 'I lied to you. Twice.'

'Phil?'

Angry tears are starting to appear in my eyes. 'I am so sorry! You just came back, and I wanted you to stay and I had to lie about Adam, and now I feel like shit and I went to London to tell Adam that I cheated on him and I am so, so sorry, Bear, I'm just so in love with you, I know I should've told you the truth, but I wanted you to stay.'

I turn around and I see Dan shaking. He's holding onto the table and he is trembling. I rush over to him and I touch his shoulder but he pushes me away. 'DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ME!'

'Dan, I'm so sorry, you would've just walked out of my life, I had to do something, please, please, Bear, I…'

'Don't call me Bear!' This is when he breaks and starts crying and shouting. 'You are a fucking liar! But I guess I should be thankful, huh? You told me before we got further involved! You would've let our relationship to be built on a lie! I fucking… I just… I hate you! I knew I shouldn't have come back here! It was a mistake! The whole moving in was a mistake in the first place!'

'Dan, please, stay, I love you, you can't…'

'Oh, yes I fucking can and will leave you!' He takes the key from his pocket and lifts it. 'You see this? This is me walking away. For good, this time. I'll send someone to get my stuff, but I'm not coming back that's for sure! This is the last time you see me. So yeah, I'm walking away.' He throws the keys at me, then leaves, slamming the door behind him.

He really is gone. I lost him. I lost him forever. I guess I could go and beg him to forgive me, but it wouldn't matter. I don't deserve redemption.

* * *

><p><strong>I am so so sorry. Please don't hate me. Love y'all!<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

_**5 years later**_

**Dan's POV**

Five years have come and gone. I've been doing okay. Not good, not even well, just okay. Something's missing from my life. Someone.

I could deny it, but there's no point. He was, he still is the love of my life. And I walked away. But that was the right thing to do. Otherwise we would've ended up in a cobweb of lies, spiralling all around us.

I know that those few weeks living together, and those couple of hours that I spent thinking we were actually together don't really allow me to call him the love of my life, but he is. I've known it while we were living together, I was just too frightened to admit it. And the months after… Well, I know that he is the love of my life. And no matter how much I know that, I can't go back.

So yes, five years. After moving out, I moved back home for a couple of months, then things started to get better. I had more and more jobs, my ads became really popular. Then I was offered a job at a advertising agency in London, so I moved there. I love my job. It's fun, it's challenging. And I love living in London.

A year after him, I met someone, a girl. Sage was amazing, I really loved her. We were together for 3 and a half years, then we broke up. It has nothing to do with him, we just… Grew apart. We're still friends, though. But yes, we dated, she was, still is, amazing. But it's not him. I really miss him.

I forgave him a long time ago. I understand now why he did what he did. But I just can't go backwards, I built up something here, I can't go back to Manchester and think that the last 5 years didn't happen.

On a casual morning, I'm heading to the office. I never thought I could have a job like this at only 23 without a degree. But here I am. Actually I didn't apply for a job. Scott, the CEO saw one of my ads (I have to add, it was on TV and I'm extremely proud of it) and he found me somehow. When he said his name and who he was, I said the he called the wrong number. He just laughed and he said I had a job at his company if I wanted it. Of course I did. I found an apartment quickly with the help of Scott's assistant, Emily, then I started the following week.

I love my job. It's not only fantastic, but the money I get… Yeah, let's just say my apartment isn't just a hole in the wall.

So on that morning, I decide to grab a coffee before work. I don't usually drink coffee, I'm more of a tea guy, but sometimes I just need it. The line in a Starbucks located in Central London is always long, but this time… It's not only long, but it's weird too.

Why? Okay, here it goes.

So I'm standing in line with a couple of people in front of me. A line moves slowly, one by one, but it leaves me enough time to mentally prepare myself. Then all of a sudden, I hear a name.

'Phil!' Over time I developed a habit: whenever someone says Phil or Philip, I look around, hoping and terrified at the same time. And it's no different this time. 'Is there a Phil?'

Then I see him. It is Phil, _the _Phil. He doesn't see me, not yet at least. Do I want to be seen? Do I want him to see me? What would I say? What would I say if he asked me to catch up? _What would I say if he asked me whether I'm single?_

He is… He is more gorgeous than ever. It's been five years, five very long years. He looks amazing. Sexier than ever. He's what, 27 now? There are people who look way better when they are older. He's here. Fate wanted us to meet again.

Okay, I don't know how many people live in London, I'm gonna go ahead and say 10 million. So there are 10 million people living in London, plus tourists. And we met again here, among millions of people, on an average morning. This is fate, this _has to be_ fate.

He's wearing glasses now. It suits him, he looks like a cute nerd. Oh God, I guess I still love him. I regret it now that I didn't tell him that he was (is) the love of my life. I didn't change my mind about my sexuality, I'm still straight, or something like that, but when it comes to him… He's still everything. I fucking miss him.

So what should I tell him? Or should I even talk to him? I don't know, I don't know, I just… I regret everything now. I should've called him a long time ago. We could've, we _should've_ been together. We could have a perfect little life now. I know he lied to me, and I know he cheated on Adam, but I really miss him.

By the time I get over the crisis, he's standing at the sugar station or whatever that's called. Taking a deep breath, I walk over to him. I gently tap on his shoulder. He turns around. When he sees me, his eyes turn into huge anime eyes and he turns really pale.

'Dan,' he says, in complete disbelief.

'Phil,' I say, smiling lightly. _Phil._

* * *

><p><strong>Yay it's back! From now on I think it's going to be a 'wing it' kind of fic, I have no certain ideas apart from one or two. And yes, pretty much all the angst is gone, you'll have just a little bit more, then this fic is going to be the fluffiest, cheesiest I've ever written. Seriously, you'll feel sick. <strong>

**Also, update on NaNoWriMo and the whole fic. Currently I'm writing chapter 17 and my word count (as of posting this chapter) is 19572. Pretty great, huh?**

**Anyway, hope you liked this chapter, and sorry for the long author's note. :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Phil's POV**

Five years. Five very long years. Sometimes it seems a long time, sometimes it feels like a few months. Everything stayed the same, yet everything changed.

I no longer live in Manchester. Moved to London like 2 years ago. I got a really good job here, still doing web designing stuff. I love it, I love my apartment, which, even though is a one bedroom flat, is great. I love every single part of my life…

Okay, that's a lie obviously. I love every single part of my life that has nothing to do with my love life. That part… That part is still suffering from the consequences of the explosion that happened 5 years ago. I blew it up. I destroyed everything.

I never talked to Adam again. He still had some stuff at my place, so I put them in a box and sent them to his place. He did the same with my stuff. It was actually a clean break: it just ended, we never met again. I stalked him though, online. He since moved to New York City and it seemed he had a great life. He met there a guy called Reid and they married last year. I'm really happy that he found true happiness, my only wish is that I could tell him.

And I never talked to Dan again. A few days after he stormed out, PJ appeared with Chris. They didn't want to kill me, PJ only said that "Not cool, man. Not cool." and that was it. Chris packed up all of Dan's stuff, then that was it. Dan was gone too.

I did not want to ask Chris how's Dan. I figured it would make him, I mean Dan, angry. So I hoped. I hoped that either Chris or PJ would say something. But they didn't. In five years, they didn't say anything.

Apropos, PJ and Chris. They've been dating ever since that party. Then, 6 months ago, out of the blue PJ proposed. I've known him for a while, but when he is with Chris… Well, that's pure happiness. So it was no surprise that they would stay together. But the proposal… We all know that Peej is a creative guy. And we all know that Chris is a hectic guy who likes chaos. So PJ built a chain reaction device in a garage of one of his friends. Then when he went there with Chris, all they had to do is press a button. In the end, a little jewellery box opened in front of Chris. PJ kissed his temple and said: 'So I was thinking… How does marriage sound?'

How do I know what happened? I wasn't there, but they started documenting their lives and posting it online. Chris of course said yes. It's May now, their wedding is next month. I cannot even speak to them, they are so excited, every second sentence is about the wedding.

So yeah, that's all. Five years. I am so alone. And I really miss Dan.

* * *

><p>On a seemingly average morning, I have plenty of time before work, so I decide to get a coffee from Starbucks near the office. You see, I could drink coffee there, but it doesn't come in hazelnut flavour. So I decide to buy expensive coffee when I could get it for free. But I guess it's the best decision I made in a long time.<p>

After I get my coffee, I go to the table where you can put sugar in your coffee. What is that called? I have no idea, and it's not even important right now. As I'm putting the sugar in my coffee, someone taps on my shoulder. I turn around and… and I can't breathe. It's him. _It's him._

'Dan!' I want to tell him everything: how sorry I am, even five years later, how much I miss him, even five years later, how much I love him, even five years, especially five years later.

'Phil,' he says smiling lightly.

I don't what to do. Do I hug him? What do I say? _How does one speak? _'So… How are you?'

'Good, yeah, I'm… good,' he says nervously. 'You?'

'Yeah, me too.'

Then we stand there, looking at each other. Suddenly I'm reminded of all the reasons I fell for him in the first place: his beautiful eyes, that wicked, yet sweet little smirk, his dimples. His sassiness, his sarcasm.

'Hey, I just want to ask…' he says, but I start speaking at the same time.

'Are you coming to…' It makes us laugh. I missed his laugh. 'Go first.'

'Oh, I just… Wanted to ask if you had the time to catch up, it'd be good.'

'Yeah, that would be nice. But not now, I'm on my way to work.'

'Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.' He goes through his bag, then hands me his card: _Dan Howell, Connected Advertising Agency_ and his number. 'Give me a call later. What did you want to ask?'

'Are you coming to Chris and PJ's wedding?' I ask meanwhile I hand him my card. Just in case.

'Yep. It's actually crazy. I'd never thought that Chris would settle down.'

'Crazy things happen, huh?' I ask, but I don't mean their wedding.

'Yeah.' He nods, looks down and then at me again. 'I've gotta run. So, I guess, see you around.'

He walks away, almost running. Then he stops at the door and takes a few steps back, towards me. 'Are you seeing someone?'

'No, my love life isn't the… greatest. And that's an understatement. You?'

He doesn't say anything, just keeps looking at me. Then suddenly, he's right in front of me and kisses me. Okay, technically it's just a peck on my lips, but my knees actually get weak. Then he leaves, without answering. But I guess that kiss _was_ his answer.


	15. Chapter 15

**Dan's POV**

_Phil._

I found him.

Okay, I shouldn't have kissed him. I don't know what happened. I just wanted to. I stopped thinking. But I don't regret it. It's been five years, he's single, I'm single, and I know it wasn't a good step, I don't regret it.

When I get into the office, Emily hands me a bunch of paper. I don't know what they are, and I don't really care. I only think about one person. _Phil._ Do I call him? Do I wait for him to call me? I know I was mad at him, but that's gone now. I miss him.

If I want to be completely honest, I want to get him back. We could… We could have a fantastic life together, I know it. I'm sure he changed. I'm sure our relationship wouldn't be based on lies now. Those lies, they are long gone. It's been five years, for fucks sake. When you meet the love of your life, it changes everything. It did change my life.

I need to call him.

I start pressing the numbers, but my phone starts ringing. It's him. _Phil._

'Hey,' I say quickly. Okay, I'm really enthusiastic.

'Hi, Dan.' I've always loved the way he said my name. It wasn't anything special, maybe only the fact that it was Phil who said it. 'Are you busy?'

'No.' I smile. What should I say? I start making up little scenarios, but then I realise it doesn't really matter. _Just go with the flow, Dan, and say the second thing that comes to your mind. Not the first one, that's still "I miss you". _'So… How's everything?'

'Good, yeah. I mean, now everything's better. I mean after this morning.' Okay, I grin like an idiot. I fucking missed the guy.

'Yeah, same.'

'So are you doing okay? Do you work?'

'Uh, yeah, I really love my job and…'

'Let me buy you lunch today, okay?'

'Sure. When and where?' We're meeting at one, in a little café thingy not far from my office. 'Listen, I've gotta go, but see you later.'

'Okay.'

I'm about to hang up, when I realise I have to tell him. 'Oh, and Phil?'

'I really missed you.'

I know he's smiling, I can almost see his smile. 'I missed you too.'

I can't focus on my work. I mean how do you even call people? How do you edit photos? How do you _breathe? _I'm so excited. I've been waiting for this for so long. And now it's here. Now I found him.

Should I be still mad at him? It was five years ago, I changed, he changed, we could have something real now. We're both older. We could have a proper, serious, adult relationship. It's good I guess. I mean I know five years passed, and I know that a lot of stuff happened, and I know that we could've done this differently, but in a way, I am glad that we met again, only five years later. We are more mature now.

So what exactly do I want? Just a go with the flow kind of relationship? Or the whole package, with marriage and kids later? I want kids. I don't know if he does, but I do want kids. I've always wanted kids. Oh God, what if he doesn't want kids? What would I choose? Phil or the kids? Oh Jesus fucking Christ.

And what if he doesn't feel the same way about me? What if his feelings changed after I stormed out all those years ago? What if he hates me now? What if he doesn't want anything to do with me?

'Dan, are you alright?' Emily asks. I realise I'm having another crisis. _Nice one, Dan._

'Yeah… No… I will be alright. What's up?'

'Uhm, Scott has been calling you for a minute now and you didn't pick up the phone. He wants to talk to you.'

'Thanks, Em.'

_Okay, Daniel, work. You are at work, you have to focus on your stuff. Get up, take 13 steps towards Scott's office, knock on the door. You can do it._

I somehow manage to follow the instructions. After Scott says "come in", I open the door. I've always liked his office. It's huge, three walls are covered with dark wood, but the forth wall is just windows. On the other side it's London. You can see the London Eye from his office. I've always wondered how he gets everything done with such an amazing view.

Scott himself is a great guy. He's in his mid-30s, with a wife and two kids. The older kid is 4 now, and she is often in the office. We all just love her, she's got beautiful, curly light brown hair with huge eyes.

_Oh, I guess I really want kids._

'Hey, Dan,' he says, looking at me, probably wondering whether I'm mental or not.

'Sorry Scott, about the phone thing.'

'Yeah, no, don't worry. I have an assignment for you. Kind of.'

So it's a big account. 'Who is it?'

'Jaylabs. Have you heard about them?'

'Jaylabs? As in the film studio?'

'That's the one. Jay Mahoney, the guy who owns it, wants you to work for them.'

'Wait, what?' Okay, I'm confused. Why would a film studio need advertising? Unless…

'They need a guy to lead their marketing division. Jay and I have been friends for a while now and he talked about the opening, and I mentioned that I have a guy who is amazing.'

'But…' Okay, now I'm really confused? Why would someone need me as a boss? I have no degree, my life is fail, and I'm only 23.

'Of course, the decision is yours, but I really think you should take it.'

'Okay, hold on a second.' I close my eyes and think through what I want to say. 'Jay Mahoney offered me a job? I have no degree, I don't think I have the capability to do those things. I mean working for you is one thing, but have people work for me? I'm only 23, for fucks sake!'

'Hey, Dan, you can do this. You are extremely talented, you often forget the amount of creativity you have inside you. So I think you should call him and accept the job. It's a once in a lifetime offer, kid. You would love it.'

Would I? Can I do it? It would be different after this job. But then I realise I want it. I want it so badly. I love films, I've always been interested in how those things work, and here I am, I could promote films, organise stuff.

I look at Scott. He's smiling, he knows. 'Wow,' I say.

'I know. We'll miss you here, but accept it. You deserve it.'

'Thank you, Scott. I am so, so grateful. Working here was… It was truly fantastic.'

'And we're glad we had you. Now, I'm gonna call Jay for you, you talk everything through. All I ask before you leave is finish your current tasks, then get back to me.'

'Sure.'

Then Scott calls Jay, and tells me to stay in his office while we talk. Then he leaves for a coffee break. The phone is ringing, and I'm nervous again.

'Hello?' Jay says, his voice is surprisingly deep. I've never met the guy nor seen a picture, but I imagine him as a cool surfer dude. I don't know why.

'Uhm, hi, this is Dan Howell, Scott Carter told me that…'

'Oh, yeah, yeah, hi Dan! I was hoping to hear from you.'

'So, Scott told me about your job offer.'

'I hope you're calling me to accept it, but before you do, let me say this: I really want you here. I saw your stuff, and I must say it is amazing. I truly believe you could transform my company. I know you're probably thinking that you're way too young for this, but I think if someone knows that he does, then age doesn't matter. You could build up the division from scratch, work with people you know, you trust, everything would be up to you. And honestly, if you hear how much you'd get, you won't be able to say no.'

'Even if you'd pay half that I get now, I'd take it. So yes, I'm taking the job.'

'That's it! Now, can you pop into the office this afternoon?'

New job or not, I'm meeting Phil first. 'Yeah. Around 3?'

'Perfect. Scott can give you the address.'

'Thanks. And thank you for the offer.'

'It's my pleasure, Dan. Welcome aboard, kiddo!'

I then go back to my desk, completely dazed. How did this all happen? There are days when so much stuff happens that you can't even keep up. Is today definitely happening? I feel like I'm dreaming or something.

_Alright, Daniel, you have 2.5 hours until you meet Phil. Time to do some work. Forget about your new job, you still have this one, pay attention to everything. Stay focused._

Somehow I manage to survive those hours. A few minutes before 1 o'clock, I knock on Scott's door again. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I'm also meeting a client at 1:30, but I'm telling Scott that I'm meeting said client at 1. I also tell him that Jay and I are meeting later. As I mentioned, he's a great guy, he gives me the address then he tells me to take the afternoon off.

5 minutes later, I'm standing outside of the café. Before I can have a nervous breakdown, I see Phil sitting inside. He sees me too and starts waving. Taking a deep breath, I open the door. The smells of a café immediately hit me: coffee beans, milk, even sandwiches. Since it's lunchtime and it's a really popular area, the café is crowded, but somehow Phil managed to get a table.

'Hey,' I say as I sit down across him.

'Hi.'

'Have you been waiting long?'

'No, I got here a few minutes ago, thankfully there was an empty table.'

'Oh nice.'

We're silent for a few seconds, but it's nice. I study his face (as he studies mine). He's still beautiful. His eyes are as playful as they were five years ago. I still can't say whether they are blue, green or both.

'So… Okay, I know I should ask how you are and everything, but first I have to tell you, that I am so sorry. I am _still _sorry.'

For some reason, his confession fucks me up. I remember a sentence he said five years ago. Funnily enough, it was after the party. He said _"drunk people make mistakes" _or something like that. And then, I suddenly realise, when he lied about Adam, it wasn't his first lie.

When we first met, he said he wanted to experiment too. But someone, who only wants to experiment, doesn't enter a relationship only a few weeks later. Because it's a huge transition, and you need to deal with the new feeling, emotions and everything. I know, I've been there. It took me more than 2 months.

'When we met…' I start quietly. I need to know. 'When we met, you said you only wanted to experiment. Was that a lie too?'

'I… I'm not following you.' I look at him, he really is confused. Should I just let it go? It's been 5 years now.

'I just need to know. Did you know before we hooked up that you were… gay, bi, or whatever you use?'

'Dan…' He's white as sheet. I have my answer.

'This was a mistake.' I get up and leave.

It's been five years. Why can't I let go of the past? Why do I always feel the urge to leave the situation? Why can't I be just happy? With Phil?

By the time I'm meeting the client, I'm calm again. I seriously need to focus on my work and forget the drama. Work first, drama later.

The meeting is a success, he agrees to all the things I suggested. We're done in an hour, and since I didn't get any food, I'm starving. I decide to go back to that café. Okay, secretly I hope he's still there, but that would be foolish. A guy can hope, right?

When I open the door, my heart stops beating. He _is _there. I am so childish. I am so stupid. And as I watch him, I realise that I still love him. Of course I love him. So I walk over (rush over to him), almost knocking everyone and everything over. That makes him look up. When he sees that it's me, he stands up. He's about to talk, but I'm quicker than him. I cup his face and kiss him. That kiss was meant to happen 5 years ago.

I run my fingers through his hair, gently massaging his sculp. Yes, the fact that I'm a bit taller than him should make me feel weird, but honestly it makes me feel fuzzy and warm and happy. I kiss him like my life is depending on that kiss. And in a way it does. Because Phil is my life.

'I am sorry,' I tell him. I'm still cupping his face as our foreheads are touching. We're looking at each other, his gaze is turning my insides warm and gooey.

'No, I'm sorry.'

'We could… We could keep saying who's sorry, but I have another thing to say.'

'What is it?'

I close my eyes and show a little smile. 'I am so in love with you. I have been for more than five years now. And yes, I could say that I love you, but you can say that to anyone. When you say "I'm in love with you", that turns the whole world upside down.'

'Dan?' he says gently. It makes me look at him.

'Hm?'

'I'm in love with you too.'

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, this chapter is a bit longer, and to be honest I didn't plan Dan's new job, the idea just appeared. Still, this is one of my favourite chapters I've written so far (and right now I'm writing chapter 20). Hope you enjoyed it! :) Reviews are always welcome! ^^<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Phil's POV**

'So now what?' I ask Dan.

We're still in that café. We've been hugging for like 5 minutes now, but it's nice. It's fantastic. I really missed him. I never thought I'd hear him say that he loves me.

'I have a meeting in like half an hour.'

'Oh, okay.' I smile a bit. He's here. He's finally here. 'I think I owe you a date, huh?'

'Yeah, I think so. Would you like to come over later? I could cook for you.'

'I'm cooking, but yeah, your place. I'm off around 5, so how does seven sound?'

'Sure, yeah. I better get going, I don't want to be late. So I guess, see you later, yeah?' he says with a smile, then kisses me briefly.

'Yeah,' I say a bit dazed, and watch as Dan's walking away from me. When he's out of sight, I remember that he didn't tell me where he lives. 'Dan!' I yell once I'm outside. 'Daniel!' He stops, looking at me. 'What's your address?'

He blushes, but tries to hide it with a laugh. He tells me the address, then after another (this time a bit longer) kiss, he's gone.

_It's time to get back to Earth, Phil. And time to go back to work._

Somehow I manage to do my job until 5. Okay, I'm grinning like an idiot and I'm so happy, but I manage to do everything. Precisely at 5 o'clock, I'm going home. I need to take a shower and I want to look super good. It's like I'm meeting Dan for the first time. And in a way I am. It's been so long now.

It's been so long. We met again after five years in one of the biggest cities. It has to be fate or whatever you call it. Like we were really meant to be and the universe spends its time to make sure we're back together. But it's good. I'm not sure if I had sent him a message on Facebook or somewhere, he would've replied. It had to be face to face.

Anyway, long story short: we're back together. I got my Bear back.

I take the quickest shower possible, then spend like 20 minutes picking out an outfit. I want to be casual but not too casual. I mean it's so much easier for a woman. They could either wear skirts, jeans, pants or dress; high heels, flats; there's so much possibility!

Eventually I settle for black jeans and a pale blue short sleeved button down. Since it's only May and we're still in England, I'm taking my leather jacket too. Then I spend 10 minutes fixing my hair, making sure it looks like the way I want it. Okay, I look good. Like proper good.

I take a cab to Dan's place. We're almost there when I remember I should bring him something.

'Uhm, excuse me?'

'Aye?' the driver says with strong Scottish accent.

'Is there a place nearby where I can buy flowers?'

'It's a coople of mintues awa' from there. Ya want me to take ya there?'

'Yes, thank you.'

'Sure thin'.'

I have no idea where we are, so when the guy stops in front of the flower shop, I ask him the way. He tells me, then I pay. I give him a bit more, he helped me a lot.

When I enter the little shop, the scents overwhelm me. So many different scents, so many different colours, so many beautiful flowers! An old lady stands behind the counter, she smiles at me. 'Can I help you, dear?'

'Yes, please. Uhm… I'm looking for something that says "I'm so in love with you", but not roses, if possible. Something unique.'

'Ah, yes, unique flowers for a unique girl.'

I feel uncomfortable. Should I tell her that it's for a guy? _Yeah, but be subtle._ 'Yeah, he is.'

She smiles again, but doesn't say anything. She walks over to the tulips. 'These may not long last, but I think these will be perfect. I'd say you give him some of each colour.' There are reds, yellows, pinks and whites among them. Some of the whites are streaked and patched with another colour.

'Yes, that would be lovely. Can you make a huge bouquet of them?'

'Sure, dear.' She picks up quite a few of them, then walks over to the desk and starts making this beautiful bouquet. Seriously, it's most beautiful bouquet I've ever seen. 'Is there anything else you'd like?'

'Nothing, thank you so much.'

I pay then leave the shop. As I step out, I notice the weird smells of London. It was amazing in the shop. All the wonderful scents. _It's time to go, Phil._

I'm walking nervously to Dan's place. I'm so out of practise. I haven't really been on a date in the past 5 years. I just didn't have the time nor the proper motivation for it. Because those guys weren't Dan. But now finally, I got him back. Maybe that's the reason I'm this nervous. Everything's so different, when it's with Dan. Everything is much more fun, much more perfect. You get this inexplicable feeling when you're with the person you're truly in love with. When you finally meet that person and when you finally realise how much you love him, all the loves you had previously seem to lose their meaning. Suddenly, you don't understand how you were in somebody else before your perfect match came along.

_This is it, Phil._ I look around, quickly checking the house number. This is really it. It's a 4 storey building in a really nice neighbourhood. I quickly check the buzzer and thankfully, Dan's name on it. It's 10 minutes before 7, but I'm too excited to wait. So I press the button and I'm not kidding, Dan answers within a second.

'Hey,' he says, trying to sound casual, but I know that he has been sitting next to the door in the past hour.

'Hi.'

'Hey,' he says again.

'Uhm, will you let me in?'

'Oh, sorry.' I know he's blushing.

He lives on the first floor and by the time I reach his front door, he's standing there, leaning against the doorframe, waiting. For me. Just me. And he's still blushing, but I believe it's for a different reason.

'Hey,' I say as I give him the flowers. 'I brought this for you because I wanted to get you something and this lady in the shop said tha…'

Yeah, I can't finish the sentence, because suddenly Dan's lips are against mine. I'm not going to lie, it's our most intensive and passionate kiss so far. But it's so so so so perfect.

'Thank you,' he says, but his eyes are still closed. 'Come on in.'

I follow him to his apartment. It's not that big, it's the perfect size, but it's so amazing. Right across the door, there's an open door which hides his living room. It's pale blue with dark floor and mostly white and black furniture. I want to check it further, but Dan kisses me again, this time more slowly. He smiles a bit during the kiss, which makes me smile too.

'Your place is fantastic.' I say while we try to catch our breaths.

'I…' he says hesitantly. 'I know we shouldn't be doing this, not this soon, but… I missed you so much. I missed you. And now you're here, in this leather jacket and shirt, and those two are my weaknesses because you were wearing a leather jacket when we met and I…'

'Dan, take a deep breath.' I put my hands on his shoulders. He's taller than me, so it's a bit weird.

'Would you hate me if I said that we should skip dinner? Or postpone at least?'

'No…?' I'm not sure where he's headed. Okay, I know, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

'And would you hate me if I took your hand and led you to my bedroom? I know this is fast, and this reunion is not about that, but I really missed you. I really missed you.'

'Dan, I couldn't hate you. Not ever. Remember? I love you.'

He smiles, his smile slowly turning into a wicked grin. He then takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah... As you probably noticed, it's going to be pretty much all fluff now. But hey, the weather is getting colder (if you live in the Southern Hemisphere... Uhm... Sorry.) we need warmth and fluffiness. Also, I have no idea about Scottish accents, I had no intention of hurting Scottish peeps, I love them. If I got the accent wrong, please tell me.<strong>

**Another thing: I forgot to mention the schedule for November. Since I'm writing every day and pretty much all day, you'll get a new chapter every day until the end of the month. I have plans for them, so I hope to continue this after NaNoWriMo is over. Once November is gone, I think there'll be one or two chapters a week. But until then: PHAN OVERDOSE.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A tiiiiny bit of warning: this chapter gets a bit smutty, but not explicit. I know this is M rated, but I thought I'd mention it.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dan's POV<strong>

We're just lying my bed, covers on us, my head on Phil chest as he playfully runs his fingers through my hair. It's nice. It's fantastic to have him back in my life.

'So, tell me everything. What happened to you in the past five years?' I ask him.

'I got a job and moved to London. My brother got married and he has a baby girl. She's 5 months old now. Other than that… Nothing. How about you?'

I remember my amazing idea from this afternoon. My meeting with Jay went great, I am really doing the job and he's letting me do whatever I want. I mean, he's letting me get my own team. And we need at least two web designers.

'Do you like your job?'

'Are you ignoring my que…' He sighs. 'It's not the best, but yeah.'

'And if a better job offer came along, would you quit?'

'Yeah. Why?'

'Because I have a job offer for you.' He's confused. He's so cute when he's confused. I have to laugh. 'Yeah, you heard it right, Lester. I'm offering you a job, here and now.'

'Dan, I'm not really following you.'

'I got a job offer today. Head of Marketing, Jaylabs. You know, the film studio. Jay Mahoney wants me to lead the marketing department and I accepted his offer, but I really need a web designer. And I happen to know one.'

'Oh my god, Dan!' He hugs me tightly. Because of our awkward position, I can barely breathe so I poke his side. 'Ow. Okay, I deserved that. Congrats on your new job!'

'Yeah, yeah, thanks, but will you accept my offer?'

'I don't know, Dan…'

'I saw the numbers. You'd be rich.'

'How rich?' He asks, then continues quickly. 'No, forget it. I don't care about the money. I just don't want to be the guy who got the job because the boss is his boyfriend.'

'Are you now?'

'Am I now what?'

'My boyfriend,' I say like it's a magical word. And it is. I can finally say that he's my boyfriend.

'Oh. I… I don't know. I mean, I assumed with all the love declarations and stuff that we're together. Okay, this is awkward.'

'Haha, stop it, dork, of course you're my boyfriend. And don't care about that. I've seen your stuff five years ago, I'm pretty sure it only got better. So boyfriends or not, I'm offering you a job. Accept it, or I'll torture you in ways you'd never imagine I could until you accept it.'

He smirks. 'What ways?'

'Shut up.' I can't stop a giggle, no matter how serious everything is. 'So accept it.'

'Fine.' He hugs me again, this time more delicately. 'Thank you.'

I smile against his skin. Home often isn't a place, but a person. And this, his hug, is the place I feel like I'm home.

'You hungry?' I ask, without moving an inch. I'd rather starve to death than let go of Phil.

'Mhhm… How about we'd just order pizza or something?'

'Perfect.' I reach for my phone and dial my favourite pizza place. While I wait for it to connect, I ask Phil what kind of pizza he'd like. His favourite pizza is stayed the same: Hawaiian. I order two big pizzas (hey, it's still good when it's cold too), then I snuggle back against Phil. 'I missed this. I missed you.'

'I missed you too, Bear.' I smile when I hear my nickname. 'And you know what else I missed?' He asks in a low voice as he turns me around, until I'm lying on the bed. He smiles a bit wickedly as he leans down to kiss me. 'This.' He starts kissing my jaw. 'This.' Then my neck. 'And this.' He's now kissing my left shoulder and collarbone. 'And also this.' He places little kisses along my chest, heading towards my right shoulder. 'This too.' He starts kissing the right side of my neck, then returns to my shoulder, gently biting it.

That's when I lose my mind. I know it's not much, but Phil… Oh God, I can't even think. He's nibbling, kissing and licking my shoulder (he's going to leave a mark, that's for sure); I'm trying to pull him even closer.

I try to stay calm and quiet as he starts kissing my chest and my neck again, but I can't help it, I let out a rather loud moan. What's worse, I start to giggle. Phil looks at, he's almost laughing.

'You drunk, Mr. Howell?'

'You make me, Lester.' I push myself up a bit, until I can kiss him. 'Besides, we need to figure out a nickname for you too.'

'I'm just Phil.'

'Well, if I get to be Bear, you have to have an animal nickname too. Favourite animal?'

'Hmm… Cat?'

'I'm sorry, but we're not using that. Not sexy enough. How about Lion, then?'

'Perfect.'

He lies down next to me, and as I hug him, I bury my face into the crook of his neck, placing gentle little kisses on his skin. 'Do we tell the others about us? And by others, I mainly mean Chris and PJ. Chris really wants to know if I'm bringing a date.'

'We can tell them, if you want to.'

'Hmm, not now, for now you're mine. Only mine,' I say smiling a bit. Yeah, he's finally, definitely mine.

'Yeah, I can live with that.'

'Or what if we'd surprise them? Chris said that they wouldn't be making a seating arrangement or whatever that's called, so I could say that I'm bringing a date, you could say you're bringing one too, but also we'd tick that "alone" part on the RSVP card.'

'Oh, you're really evil sometimes.'

I stick out my tongue. 'Everything for the fun.'

'When do you start your new job?' he asks after a few minutes of silence.

'As soon as I'm done with all my current assignments. But I think next week. When I know anything about your job, I'll tell you, yeah?'

'Sure, thank you.'

'Also, one of should get dressed.' I look at him, meaning that he should be the one. I just can't be bothered.

'Yeah, fine.' He gets up and starts gathering his clothes meanwhile I just look at him, adoring him.

'D'you know that you've got a fine arse?' I say, giggling once again.

'As a matter of fact, I do, thank you very much.'

'Hey… I know this might be fast, but after earlier… Uhm…' I take a deep breath, calming my nerves. 'Would you like to stay for the night?' He looks at me, still only wearing his pants. I don't know why he's looking at me all confused, but he does. 'Uhm… Or not,' I say, feeling a bit embarrassed.

'Dan,' he says gently as he climbs back to bed. With his hand, he lifts my head so I have to look at him. 'I would like nothing more.'

I smile a bit and I kiss him. 'I love you, Lion.'

'I love you too, Bear.' He kisses my cheeks, then looks at me once again, this time with a huge grin on his face. 'Besides, I have plans.'

'What kind of…' I gulp, thinking about all the possibilities, 'plans?'

'Fun plans.'

'Do your plans involve… the bedroom?'

'Not necessarily.'

I swallow again, this time it's much louder. 'Lester, you're going to be the death of me.'

'Yeah, well… That's my intention.'

He walks out of the room, so I have to shout. 'Are those plans sexy plans?'

'You'll see', he yells back.

'Oh God…' I half say, half moan it out loud.

'Heard that.'

He then comes back this time with his shirt on (because that happened to stay in the corridor), but it's still unbuttoned. I let out a longing sigh, mainly to forget about the fact that seeing Phil like this and that conversation made me half-hard again.

'Hope the pizza gets here real soon,' I say, trying to cover the said fact.

'Are you hungry or do you just want to find out those plans?'

'Hungry. Both. Okay, just those plans.'

'Thought so.' He climbs to the bed, kissing me thoroughly. Yeah, that kiss doesn't help my… condition.

'Phil…' I try to say to stop him.

'Fuck, Dan,' he says as he puts his hand on my stomach.

I look at him, like he's the 8th wonder. 'I've never heard you swear.'

'I don't like swearing, but you make me. Jesus, I thought I made you completely worn out.'

'Well, not quite.'

He leans down, kissing me again. 'Well the pizza… better gets… here… soon,' he says, in between kisses.

'Agreed. And damn it, Phil, kiss me properly.'

And sure he does.

* * *

><p><strong>To be honest, I needed some smutty Phan. That's all. <strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**Phil's POV**

After spending Tuesday evening and night at Dan's place, I kind of refuse to let go of him. I know that I need to go to work and he also needs to go to work, but I'm reluctant. Okay, maybe stubborn is a better word.

'We should get ready,' he says.

It was really good sleeping in the same bed, limbs tangled together, his warm skin against mine. It was the best night I've ever had.

'Do we really?'

'Unfortunately, yes. I mean, Scott is flexible, how about your boss?

'As long as I get my job done, everything's fine.

'Okay. Still, we should go to work.'

'Right,' I say with a sigh. 'Do you want to come to my place tonight? We could… do stuff in my bed too.'

'Phil, that was the corniest thing I've heard in a while.'

'Well, it's an invitation, so I hope you'll accept it.'

He closes his eyes and hugs me. 'Of course.'

'I'll text you the address later. Or how about I meet you at your office when you're done?' As I ask this, he looks at me, his face is getting redder shade by shade. 'Did I say something bad?'

'N-no, I ju-just… I never hid my sexuality, because there wasn't anything to hide, I just... I don't know. Guess I'm still afraid a bit.'

'If you don't want to come out just now, that's fine, love. You don't have to. We're doing everything the way you want.'

'I want to. I don't want to hide you or our love. I'm just scared because I don't know how people would react.'

'Hey, that's part of the whole coming out thing. Everything's going to be fine. I promise, okay?'

'I know. I've got you.'

'Yes, you do. So if you don't want me to meet you there, you can come to my place.'

'No, meet me there. I want to walk out of that office hand in hand.'

'Okay.' I smile, pressing a kiss on the top of his head.

'How did _you_ come out?'

I take a breath, letting it out slowly. 'I was 16. By that all of my friends and acquaintances had boyfriends or girlfriends. Everyone was straight. Davey, my best friend back then started nudging me to get a girlfriend. My mum was the same. I guess she was just unhappy because I didn't have anyone. But the idea of having a girlfriend terrified me. I didn't know how Davey, for example, could kiss a girl. I just… I didn't like the idea. Yet, when he set me up with a girl, I asked the girl out. She was pretty, I guess. I mean others would've said she was beautiful, and while I appreciated her aesthetical beauty, I couldn't imagine doing stuff with her. So we went on that date, we watched a movie, so it wasn't anything special, then she asked me to walk her home. I did, and she kissed me, and it was just… wrong. I told her that I had to go and I ran away. Davey kept asking how it went, but I kept refusing to answer. Then, after one or two month, a new kid came to our school. His name was Noah, he somehow ended up in our group of friends. But he was cool, he was a great friend. Davey told him to get a girlfriend, because Noah didn't have one, but he said he'd rather get a boyfriend. I remember everyone looking at him, gasping and whispering stuff to each other. But I was just sitting there, totally embarrassed and awkward, because I fancied him. He looked good, he had dark blonde hair, always messy and the greenest eyes you can ever imagine. I fancied him, I really did. Davey and the others didn't say anything about him being gay and the whole stuff was okay. But it made me think. Why don't I like girls and why do I think boys look good? Why do I want to kiss Noah? I couldn't really ask anyone, because honestly, who could've provided the answer? My paternal grandparents are extremely religious, the word "homosexual" is a huge no-no in their house. A 16-year-old doesn't want to talk to his parents about anything, let alone his sexuality. I wasn't sure whether my brother could've given me the answer I needed. Same with Davey and all the kids. So that left me with only one person; the person, I wanted to kiss: Noah. So one afternoon I called him and told him I needed to ask something in person. I was scared. It felt so scary. I grew up with a picture in my head: me, my wife and our kids in front of a beautiful home. But I started to question everything. Why does it have to be a woman? I didn't like girls, if kissing one felt wrong, then sleeping with one would've been a disaster. I met Noah and I just told him everything. I couldn't hold it in any longer. And it felt so good, sharing my feelings with someone. Halfway through my monologue he started smiling, then when I was finished, he grabbed my shoulders and kissed me. He liked me back, so we started going out. A week or two later I told my parents that I was gay. Surprisingly they didn't care whether what or more precisely, who I liked. Then I told Davey, the rest of them just… found out. No one cared. Nobody does.'

'Phil…' Dan starts, but as I can tell, he's not sure what to say.

'It's fine, really. And sorry for the long backstory.'

'No, you had to tell me everything. Thank you for sharing your story.'

'Thank you for letting me be part of yours.'

We kiss again, but this time it's not about passion, it's about love and wanting.

'I want to tell my parents,' he says quietly. 'I want them to know about you. About us.'

'Are you sure? Dan, this is a huge step.'

'Yes, I am. I know we've been together for like a day, but I want the whole package. I want future possibilities, dreams and everything. And for that I want you to meet my parents. And I want them to know that I'm… Still not sure what label to apply.'

'You don't need a label; labels are for clothes. The only thing that matters is that we're together, right?'

'Right.' He smiles, then I guess he pictures something because he starts laughing. 'You know… I really liked last afternoon. And evening. And night.'

'Yes…?' I'm not sure where he's heading, but I like this direction.

'There's uhm…' The cute giggling stops, now he's embarrassed. Okay, that's as cute as the giggling. Seriously, Dan with flushed cheeks is one to die for. 'There's one thing however I… want to try.'

'What is it?'

He hides his head under his pillow. 'All the things we did yesterday was fun, but…'

'Dan, look at me.' I interrupt him. 'No matter how awkward it is, you can tell me without a pillow on your face.'

He looks at me, his face is redder than ever before. 'I… I want you to fuck me.' He mumbles as he tries to head his face once again, this time with the covers.

That sentence literally takes my breath away. It takes huge effort not to… _Okay, Phil. Pull yourself together._

'As much as I'd love to, and believe me, I really do, we don't really have time for that right now. As far as I know, this would be your first, and trust me, it takes a while. But tonight, okay?'

He just nods, still hiding. So I push down the covers and I kiss him, hoping he interprets my kiss as I want him to: that I just made a promise. Come hell or high water, I'm gonna fuck him tonight.


	19. Chapter 19

**Dan's POV**

Fast forward a couple of days, it's weekend now. Quick recap: I spent Wednesday night at Phil's where we… did the deed. _Oh my God, Howell, you're such a child. _Then on Thursday night, we went on a proper date, like fancy restaurant then we walked along The Thames a bit. On Friday night, we stayed at my place, playing games, watching movies and making out. Yeah, we're not teens, but making out is still fun. We spend all of our free times together, and that includes sleeping. We don't care whether it's Phil's bed or mine, but since mine is closer, we usually ended up there.

It's Saturday mid-morning now. Last night I called my mum and made sure they would be home today. Today is the day. Since they haven't officially met Phil, I guess it's time to introduce him as my former, sort of disliked roommate and my present, loved more than anything boyfriend.

So around midday we're on the train heading towards Reading. Phil's nervous, I can tell. I'm nervous too. But it's going to be okay. My parents will be cool with it. Adrian will be cool with it. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay, right?

'Dan,' Phil says gently as he squeezes my hand a bit. 'You alright?'

'I'm just scared. Were you when you came out to your parents?'

'Yeah, of course. But everything will be just fine.'

'I know, it's just… Frightening.'

'Hey, we don't have to do this if you don't want to. We've got plenty of time, right?'

'No, I want to. What if you stay at my place and my mum just appears at the front door? I want to do this properly.'

'Okay,' he kisses my cheeks and gets back to his book.

I know my parents will be okay with me being kind of gay. It's just… There's a little dickhead in my head who constantly says "Yeah, what if they hate you?" I know, I'm just overreacting, but I love my parents and I need them in my life. I feel like they are my safety net.

My one and only plan for the weekend is to tell them that I'm with Phil, we all hug, then we stay there until tomorrow afternoon having fun and stuff. I have no plan B. I have no idea what will happen if things… turn bad.

When the unknown voice says that the next stop is Reading, I look at Phil. I know the stop is real close. 'Let's go.'

Half an hour later we're standing in front of my parent's front door. I still have my keys, but… I don't know, for some reason, knocking seems the perfect choice. 5 seconds later my dad opens the door.

'Dan!' He hugs me and looks at Phil, but doesn't say anything. 'Come on in, kids.'

'Hi mum!' I say to my mother as she emerges from the kitchen.

'Hey darling!' She kisses my cheeks and hugs me. I always liked my mum's hugs. They were always so warm, so welcoming. So safe. 'Who's your friend?'

I can't do it any longer. I have to tell them the truth. I thought it would happen a better place, but for now the hall would do. 'He's Phil, and he's my… Boyfriend.' The word "boyfriend" sounds so rigid when I say it. I want to say that he's the love of my life, but I guess that'd be too much too soon.

'Oh!' My mum blushes a bit and then looks at Phil. 'Hey, Phil! I'm Elise.'

'Uhm, hi Mrs Howell,' Phil says awkwardly.

'Oh, Phil! It's Elise, not Mrs Howell, alright?' She turns to my dad. 'Hey, grumpy cat, say hi to your son's boyfriend!' Yeah, my mum found the internet, she likes to call us different names.

'Sorry. Andrew.' He extends his hand towards Phil. 'Uhm, why don't we sit down in the living room?'

'You two go ahead, I want to hug my kid properly,' my mum says to my dad and Phil. Phil nods nervously and follows my dad. 'So…'

'So…' I try to swallow, but there's a huge lump in my throat. 'Are you mad at me?'

'Mad? Why would I be, sweetheart? Because you like boys?'

'I just like Phil.'

'Also… This is Phil… Is he _that_ Phil?'

'Yeah.' I try to look away, but my mother puts her hand on my face. 'I really love him, mum.'

'I know. I can see it in your eyes. He's the same. If you're happy, then I'm happy.'

'I was… I was so afraid to come here…'

'Oh, silly child,' she says laughing then hugs me. 'Let's follow the boys before your father kills Phil with his silence.'

So we go after them. I sit down next to Phil, entwining our fingers. My dad is sitting in one of the armchairs, my mum takes the other one.

'Uhm… I hope it's okay if we stay here for the night,' I say.

'Yes, of course!' My mum says, her gaze not living our hands. 'I rarely get to see you. Your bother should be home soon. So… How long this has been going on?'

'Uhm, we met on Tuesday again and… Yeah.'

'Phil!' my dad says a bit louder than needed. 'What are you intentions with Daniel?'

'Dad!' I say, but Phil squeezes my hand.

'It's okay,' he says to me, then looks at dad. 'Mr Howell, I… I'm in love with your son. I'm trying my best to mend the past. I'm regretting everything, I hate that I hurt him 5 years ago. But I am in love with him. I just want to make him happy.'

'Phil, you don't have to make excuses,' my mum says. 'It's in the past. You love Dan, Dan loves you. It's as perfect as it gets.'

'Dad, I can't believe…' I sigh. 'We're good. As mum said, it's in the past. It was 5 years ago, for fucks sake.'

'Language!' my father says. 'I just don't want to see you get hurt.'

'I have no intention doing that, sir.' Phil says. 'I… We haven't talked about the future, or anything, but… I plan to stay with him. I plan to… ' his voice gets softer and quieter, 'I plan to get old with him and I want to make sure that we're there for each other when we go insane.'

'Phil…' Okay, it's time to admit that Phil is a huge romantic dork, and I'm a softie.

'It's true.' He looks at me, than back at my dad. 'So yes, I'm in love with him and I'm not going anywhere.'

'That's what I wanted to hear!' My dad grins and we all look at him properly confused. 'What? It was the quickest way to get all the info.'

'Jesus, Andrew, you'll be my reason for my early death.' My mum just shakes his head. 'So welcome to our family, Phil. Are you guys hungry?'

And that was it. Literally within 5 minutes, the fact, that now I'm dating with a guy, was accepted. During the afternoon Phil started to feel more comfortable, even made one or two jokes. About two hours later my brother got home too. He met Phil, I told Adrian that Phil's my boyfriend, he went "Alright." and it was settled. Everything was perfect.

That night, we're lying in my bed. Thankfully, my room is not as embarrassing as it was when I was a teen. The evening was… Interesting. We played Monopoly, the five of us. The game almost broke my parent's marriage and our relationship with Phil. Monopoly is the game of the Devil, that's sure.

'I'm so happy that you're here,' I say to Phil. 'I'm so happy that my parents know and accept us.'

'Told you it would be fine. How about a trip next week, huh? To Manchester?'

'To your parents?'

'Yeah. They kinda figured out that I'm seeing someone, but I didn't tell them who it is. So I guess we should tell them.'

'Okay.' I smile, but to be honest I'm a bit afraid to go back to Manchester. I know it is fine, that everything's going to be fine. But still, I'm a bit afraid.

'Also, I think I owe you a date. I'm still taking you on that wheel.'

'Okay.'

Phil notices that something's off. 'Hey, Bear. What is it?'

'I'm just… Dreaded to go back there, I guess.'

'We don't have to. I can tell my parents to come and visit me, and we can go on the London Eye, okay?'

'Would you do that for me?'

'Of course.' He kisses me. 'Why are you afraid to go back?'

'I don't know. So many bad memories. We can go there another time, just not yet.'

'Okay.'

'Thank you,' I say as I snuggle against him. He kisses the top of my head and starts humming a Muse song.


	20. Chapter 20

**Phil's POV**

I was really afraid to meet Dan's parents. I'm not the kind of guy who gets introduced to his boyfriend's parents. Plus that… mini misunderstanding with Dan's dad…

Thankfully it turned out to be okay. Dan was so happy. And I was happy too, because he was happy. I meant everything I said to his dad. I do intend to stay with him if he lets me. I need him. The past couple of days only confirmed this fact.

We go back to London on Sunday afternoon. Before heading back to Dan's flat, we decide to grab dinner in a nearby restaurant.

'Have you talked to PJ?' he asks, while we're waiting for our food.

'Yeah, I told him, that I'm going alone but I'm also brining a date. He almost lost his mind. He kept saying "But that's a paradox!" It was quite funny actually. What about you? Have you called Chris?'

'Yeah, I told him the same thing, then he said "Oh, cool" and hang up on me. Seriously, as their wedding gets closer, Chris gets even more insane.'

'I'm happy for them. They are a really great couple.'

'That's true. I have never thought that I'd see Chris have a wedding. He was always just… Going, doing stuff, not caring about his love life.'

'How long have you known him?'

'Hmm… Since we were 9, I think. I watched him have countless girlfriends first, then later boyfriends too. Before PJ, his longest relationship lasted for like 2 weeks. So it's quite strange to see him and PJ after 5 years. I wonder what their future holds.'

'So you don't know?' I furrow by brow. I thought Chris mentioned it to Dan.

'What? What did I miss?'

'Peej told me that he and Chris talked about the possibilities of having a kid or two.'

'What?! But… Oh my God!'

'Is it really that surprising?' I ask, but Dan can't answer because the waiter brings out our food.

'Thank you,' he says to her. She smiles and leaves, then Dan looks at me. 'Yeah, it is! Chris always, _always_ said that he would never have kids. He said he would be the most irresponsible dad ever and we both knew he meant it. It just seems a bit odd that he talks about having kids.'

I take a chips. 'What about you? Do you want kids?' I bite into the chips. It's mainly there to cover my nervousness.

'Y-yeah,' he mumbles. 'I mean, of course I want kids. I've always been the complete opposite of Chris. I've always wanted to have kids.'

'Good.' I start eating my food, but Dan keeps looking at me all confused. 'What?'

'I… Do you want kids?'

'Of course!' I carry on with the eating, but Dan is still confused. 'Did… Did I say something wrong?'

'No! No, quite the opposite. I was so afraid because I made up this little scenario in my head where you said you didn't want kids and I was forced to choose between you and having kids.'

'Dan…' I take his hand. 'I would never want you to do that. You told me you want the whole package, and I'm giving it to you with blue and pink ribbons. Or with any gender-neutral ribbon they might choose.'

'Do you… do you really mean it?'

'Of course! I want everything. I want to have a proper life with you and that includes kids and marriage in a few years, or months or hell even days if that's what you want. I'm not leaving.' I squeeze his hand a bit. 'Now I can only hope that you're staying too.'

'Phil…' He smiles and I see that his eyes are filled with tears. 'I'm staying too. And yeah, marriage in a few years sound good. I cannot wait to be married you'

'Is that a proposal, Daniel?' This question manages to make him chuckle. I love his chuckles.

'You started, Philip.'

'Okay, here and now I promise you, that somewhere between now and let's say two years, I'm gonna propose. And you won't see it coming.'

'Does this pre-proposal proposal applies to me as well? I mean can I propose as well?'

'Sure. But this is not a contest. It's not about who proposes first, okay?'

'Of course. I love you, Lion.'

'I love you too, Bear.'

An hour later we're walking back to Dan's flat hand in hand. It's getting a bit dark, but it's a nice, summery twilight. We're walking in silence, breathing the almost-but-not-quite fresh London air. I see two guys walking towards us, they're holding hands too. As they walk past us, I hear one of them say "Cute ones."

'They mainly meant you, you know,' Dan says a bit awkwardly.

I sigh. 'Well then, you haven't met a thing called mirror. When we get back, I can show you.'

'You're a funny one, Lester.'

'I'm not kidding, Dan. Do you know how gorgeous you are? How hot? How sexy?' I let go of his hand and I put my arm around his shoulders instead. 'Trust me. I have glasses. I can see it.'

'Right…'

'You know what? When we get back, instead of introducing you to a mirror, I'm gonna like properly show you and explain you how beautiful you are.' I start walking faster, dragging him with me. Dan doesn't say something, just follows me (well, he doesn't exactly have a choice now, does he?) I let him open the main door, then we quietly climb the stairs. After he opens to door, I almost push him inside. I close the door and turning around I push Dan against the wall. 'You are cute. Believe me,' I say before gently kissing him.

Over the past couple of days I found out that there's a kiss that drives Dan insane. Yeah, this is that kiss. It's slow on purpose, because when we're alone it's almost always passionate, but this kiss is slow and it makes Dan want more.

But I'm not quite giving it to him. Oh no, not tonight. After half a minute, I start placing soft kisses across his face: on his nose, on his left cheek, on his temple, above his brow, on his forehead, on his glabella, above his right brow, on his right temple, on his nose again, then just beneath his ears.

'Phil…' he sighs my name.

'You are beautiful. I know you want more, but I'm not giving it to you until you accept the fact that you are indeed beautiful.'

'Phil…' he says again.

'Okay, then I'm just gonna carry on with your torture.'

I press a kiss beneath his chin, heading southwards. He shivers when I kiss his Adam's apple. Then I kiss the place where his shoulder and neck meets and this is the time he starts moaning.

'Fine, you win. You are right. Now can we please go to the bedroom? Or the floor will do.'

I laugh a bit, then hug his waist. 'Come here, you Bear.' I kiss him, this time properly and we start walking towards his bedroom, removing our clothes one by one.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, chapter 20. The chapters and the writing will get weaker from here. I don't know, I kind of lost my mojo. I've been writing all day, every day and although I managed to start and write a bit for chapter 25, it's not the same. I need to stop for a while, because a writer's block might appear and I really don't want that. So from now on, I'm not gonna care about the NaNoWriMo wordcount, just the story. I'll upload the next few chapters (but beware, they are really bad), then I just write when I feel like it. I know what's going to happen, the problem is not with the plot, or the lack of it, it's the actual writing. Honestly, I can't wait to write this fic and all the ideas, but it's really exhausting. So I'm just gonna stop writing for a few days. Hope you understand. As I mentioned, you'll get the next 4 or 5 chapters, but after that it's all a mystery.<strong>

**So anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, I enjoy writing half smuts. :P**


	21. Chapter 21

**Dan's POV**

The next weeks just flies away, and by the time I realise it's Saturday morning again. My week was pretty hectic: I was in meetings with Jay every day to get everything done as soon as possible. Plus I also finished all of my tasks, so I am no longer employed by Scott. Then I spent my evenings with planning my new job, while Phil was trying to distract me. On Tuesday, he also met Jay. I told my new boss, that I have no crew requirements other than Phil, so I let HR to deal with that.

It's looking good, I must say. Everything is crazy, yes, but it is going to be amazing. Jay told me that he would get some help for me in the first few weeks until I know how to do everything. Phil and I are starting this Monday, with just a 15 minute documentary. Yet that documentary is supposed to be the biggest, best documentary of the year so it's not that simple.

As I mentioned, Phil spent every evening at my place. And also nights. So on Friday night (actually it was Saturday morning at 2 am, because we kept playing Mario Kart), this conversation happened.

'_So, Phil… How many boxer do you have left at home?' I ask and he looks at me like I was nuts._

'_Uhm… Three?' _

'_And how many boxers do you have here?'_

'_The rest. Why?'_

'_Wouldn't it be easier if you just moved in? It's closer to the office. Plus I'd like to have you here all the time.'_

'_Wait, are you asking me to move in? As in properly move in?'_

'_Pretty sure I just asked that, but yeah.' I laugh a bit. I never thought I'd be asking Phil this soon but here we are._

'_Dan… I-I don't know what to… say. This is huge.'_

'_Well, say yes then we can play some more Mario Kart. I mean that'd be the reasonable answer.'_

'_But isn't it soon?'_

'_Jesus, Philip! You spend all of your time here anyway. So wouldn't it be just easier?'_

_He finally laughs, then hugs me. 'Yes. Thank you.'_

'_No, thank you. Now let's play, because I want to beat your arse.'_

'_Oh, do you really? I didn't know you were into spanking.'_

'_Shut up.'_

So yes, I asked Phil to move in. I guess we're getting his stuff today or tomorrow at the latest. And I don't think either Chris or PJ will come over, because they're doing all the wedding preparations. Yes, we're still surprising them and most of our friends.

And this brings us back to that Saturday morning. It's 9 am, so obviously we're still asleep. Over the past couple of days we've got into spooning. It's quite funny, because when we started, this is what happened.

_Phil turns around, that leaving me with my back exposed to the darkness and monsters. Yes, I'm 23 and still afraid of the dark, don't judge me. Now, I know I could just hug Phil and I could be the big spoon, but it's terrifying as fuck. So I start poking Phil._

'_What?'_

'_I don't like when you don't have your hands on my back.'_

'_Huh?' He's completely lost._

'_I need you to be the big spoon.'_

'_Why do you like to be the little spoon?_

'_Because I'm still afraid of the dark and if I'm the big spoon my back is exposed. But if you hug me, I feel safe.' Phil laughs and turns around hugging me, so my back is against his chest. It's better now. 'You know, this is called jet packing, because I'm taller than you and…'_

'_Sleep, Dan.'_

Okay, enough of the flashbacks. 9 am, Saturday morning, me being the little spoon. Then my phone rings. I try to find it on my bedside table, almost knocking over the lamp. When I finally find it, I press the answer button without checking the caller.

'Hello,' I say sleepily.

'Hey, Dan, it's Louise!'

'Oh, hi, how are you?'

'I'm just checking if today is still good for you.'

'Uhm, what's today?'

'You promised to watch Darcy today. You know, my parents' anniversary and everything.'

Oh shit. I did. I promised Louise that I'd be watching her 3-year-old daughter while she and her husband spend their day with Louise's parents.

'Yeah, of course,' I rub my face.

'Oh, that's good then, cause we just left the house. Half an hour and we're at your place. Byeeee, sweetheart!' She hangs up.

Ohshitohshitohshit. I shake Phil awake.

'Phil, we're babysitting today.'

'We're doing what now?'

'I know. Get ready as soon as possible, they'll be here soon.'

I get up and head towards the bathroom. I turn on the hot water as I hear Phil come after me. 'Whose kid are we watching?'

'Do you remember Louise? My best friend from Manchester?'

'Yeah.'

'Well, she got married three years ago and now they have a baby girl. She's three.'

'Okay,' he says while watching me as I get rid of my clothes. 'Do you need help?'

'No, Phil, not now. If you join me now, we won't be ready.' I step in front of him and press a kiss on his pouting lips. 'I know you like morning showers with me, but not now.'

'I know, you're right. I'm gonna make breakfast, okay?'

'Thank you, Lion.'

I take the quickest shower possible to humans. I'm not kidding. I counted to 60 and I was out. It took me a whole frickin minute. _Well, yeah, that's what you get if you forget that you're babysitting and your flat is a mess._

I have no idea what we're going to do with her for a whole day. What if I break her? Oh Jesus fucking Christ, I'm having second thoughts about having my own kids. Is it a good idea? I'm not sure. Okay, can I just make her watch cartoons all day? Probably not, but that's the safest option for her.

I go to the kitchen, all dressed up in jeans and T-shirt, and see that Phil made omelettes. I kiss his cheek then I take two huge bites and start cleaning the kitchen. Okay, pretty much I just shove everything into the cupboard. What if Darcy opens the cupboard and everything falls on her? Oh my God. I did not think this through. So I take everything out of the cupboard and put all the stuff into my room. But what if Darcy needs a place to sleep and the couch isn't the best place for her so she needs to sleep in my bed?

'Dan, are you okay?' Phil asks.

'What do you think? I'm freaking out. I can't put these stuff in the cupboard because it could fall on Darcy. I can't put it into my bedroom, because I think Darcy will need a place to sleep.'

'Dan, stop.' Phil puts his hands on my shoulders. 'Take a deep breath. Okay, now we put in the bedroom, and Darcy can sleep on the couch. It's comfortable and safe enough for her, okay? She'll be fine. Nothing bad will happen, okay?'

'How can you be so sure?'

'My niece, remember? She's much younger than Darcy and I watched her a few times and she was fine. So Darcy will be alright too, okay?' I take another deep breath. Phil's right. We can do this. When I smile, he kisses the tip of my nose. 'Tell you what. Eat your breakfast while I have a shower, okay? And don't clean anything, everything's fine.'

Okay, I'm not really listening to him, because while I finish my breakfast, I put some stuff away in the living room, mainly stuff that can kill Darcy. I mean I know how dangerous a DVD case can be. What if she cuts her finger with the paper and she bleeds to death?

By the time Phil's done with his shower, I emptied the living room, leaving the bigger furniture in the room. Phil just sighs and goes to the kitchen to eat his breakfast.

5 minutes later the buzzer signals that they're here. I look at Phil then nervously walk to the door.

'Yeah?' I ask.

'Hey, it's Louise with Darcy.' I press the button. A minute later, Louise knocks on the door. I open it, see her with Darcy on her arm. 'Hi sweetie, I'm so grateful.'

'No problem. Come in!' She does, walking straight to the living room, putting Darcy on the carpet. Louise hands her some toys and Darcy immediately starts playing with them. Phil awkwardly stands in front of the TV, Louise's looking at him. She knows that she knows him, but not sure from where. Well, this is about to get interesting. 'Uhm, Louise, do you remember Phil? Uhm… From 5 years ago.'

'Oh!' She smiles a bit, but then looks at me. Her eyes show one question: _"What the heck are you doing, Howell?"_

'Uhm, yeah. So Phil. We met last week and well, he's my boyfriend now.'

'Oh!' she says again. 'Congrats, sweetie!' While she's hugging me, she asks me quietly. 'Are you sure this is a good idea?'

'Yeah. I love him, he loves me and we're really happy.'

'Well, if you're happy, I'm happy.' She lets me go, and turns to Phil. 'Thank you so much for doing this, Phil.'

'It's okay. I love kids.'

Louise smiles then looks at me. 'Here, I wrote everything down: numbers, her daily routine, what she likes, what she hates. Basically just feed her, play with her, go for a walk if the weather is nice then put some Disney films on. She adores this movie 'she hands me a DVD with a pink bear on it', if it's over just restart it. Or just put some Barbie films on. Thank you so much again!'

'It's our pleasure.'

'Oh, another thing. Her pushchair is in the car, Dan could you get it?'

'Sure.'

So I walk down to their car. Matt, her husband, hugs me too, and helps me with the pushchair. On my way back to the flat I realise it might have been a bad idea to leave Phil with Louise…


	22. Chapter 22

**Phil's POV**

'So…' Louise starts and I know I'm about to get some more lecturing. 'I know Dan says that you're happy together and you love him, but I'm just afraid. You haven't seen him 5 years ago after you told him.'

'I know what I did, Louise. And I regret everything I did back then. Daniel knows this. He also knows that this time everything will be different. There won't be lies, there won't be cheating. I love him. _I am in love with him._' I sigh, and look at Darcy for a few seconds. She's in her world, playing enthusiastically, her blonde curls jumping. She's beautiful. But back to topic. 'I'm trying to get redemption here. I'm trying to fix what I broke 5 years ago. I'm trying my best.'

'I know. He is just one of my best friends, and… 5 years ago, when he left, he looked like a mess. I guess he didn't tell you, did he?'

'What?'

She takes a step towards me. 'He was heartbroken. He thought you could be together. He loved before, but the feelings he had towards you… He almost… A few months later he almost committed suicide. He was completely broken. Luckily he didn't, he called me instead.'

'Oh God…' I cover my mouth. How could I do this to him?

'Dan kept telling me that the world doesn't need him, it would be a better place without him. He was in a really dark place, Phil. He even told me it was his fault. That you lied to him because he gave no other option for you.'

'Louise… I… I promise you, I will do everything do fix the past. Please, just give me another chance.'

'I give you,' she says, smiling. 'I see the way you look at each other. Trust me, I know. It's love, but also more than that. I know you two were really good friends before the whole thing. As long as you treat Dan well, we'll be cool too.'

'Thank you.'

'Uuuurgh!' Dan says, finally managing to get the pushchair through the front door. 'Hi!'

'Darcy, darling come here a bit.' Darcy gets up and runs towards Louise, who then picks her up. 'This is Uncle Dan. He played with you a while ago, remember? He gave you those llamas!' Darcy hides her face in Louise's shoulder. 'It's okay, sweetie. He loves you very much. Do you want to show him how much you love him?' She asks, pressing a kiss on Darcy's forehead. 'If you do, he might give you other toys.' Darcy looks at Dan, with a huge smile on her face. 'Okay, here goes the baby!'

Louise hands Darcy to Dan, who immediately cuddles her. I guess, it's an instinct. He kisses her head and Darcy gets a bit calmer. Dan starts mumbling non-sense things to her. Louise and I share a glance. I know what she's thinking.

'What animal do you want next?' Dan asks Darcy.

'A pony! A pink pony!'

'You'll get it princess.'

Louise smiles, then steps next to Dan. Darcy looks at her. 'That's Uncle Phil, he's gonna watch you too today, okay? Will you hug him for me?'

'Okay,' Darcy says. Dan puts her down, then Darcy walks to me, hugging my legs. I'm melting. She looks at me. 'Up!' she says, and I can't say no to those huge greenish eyes.

'Hello, Darcy.' I say to her, but she's looking at her toys again. I guess it's time to go back to playing. I put her down, she toddles to them.

'Well, boys, I better go. Have fun, sweetheart.' Louise crouches and places little kisses on her head. 'See you tonight!'

On her way out she hugs Dan then she's gone. After we hear the door close, I step in front of Dan, hugging him tightly. I don't want to say anything about what Louise just told me. Dan has to be the one who tells me when and if he's ready. So I just hug him, not letting him go for a few minutes. He tries to ask what I'm doing, but I keep hushing him.

I want to say how sorry I am. I want to say how strong he is, how proud I am of him. I want to say how lucky I am, how much I love him. _Oh wait. I can say that to him._

'I love you, Bear.'

'I love you too, Lion.'

'So, I guess we should do something,' I say after I let go of Dan. We both look at Darcy who is still playing. As I can tell, she's throwing an impromptu tea party with her stuffed animals, two Barbie dolls and the remote controls.

'Yeah. This is going to be a long day. I've never watched a kid for this long. Might as well get started, huh?' Dan smiles and sits down across from Darcy. 'Hey, Darcy, we're going to have a good day, okay?'

'I want my mummy!' she says throwing one of the remote controls at Dan.

Dan looks at me, totally helpless. So I guess it's time to put that movie on.

Dan gets his laptop, and a few minutes later Darcy's sitting with her mouth hanging as she's watching the film. She's still on the carpet, Dan and I are sitting on the couch, with my arms around his shoulder.

'It's so much easier with a 7 months old baby. These toddler require so much attention!' I laugh. 'Not that I mind it, they are just… Phew. Exhausting.'

'So, I guess it's not a good idea to have our own kids.' He's laughing too, but his voice is nervous.

'Yeah, it is. From what Martin told me, it's easier with your kids even if they are toddlers. Let's take Darcy. She's a fantastic child, but as almost all toddlers, she's uncomfortable without her mum.'

'What are you, a psychologist?' Dan says, then he shows a grin. 'You are! Dr Phil!'

'Haha, very funny. The point is, if and when we have kids, it's going to be different.'

'Is it weird that we're having the kids talk this soon?' he asks, looking at me with worry in his eyes.

'Well, others might think that it is, but I don't and that's all what matters, right?'

'Right.' He looks out of the window, then back at me. 'How many kids do you want?'

'To be honest, I never thought about that. I figured there would be a point where I'd say "Yeah, they are enough." What about you?'

He sighs. 'I always thought I was going to be the perfect suburban dad with, you know, polo shirts and everything. I always thought I was going to have two kids: an older boy who protects his little sister. I know, it's stereotypical, but for a long time that was what I wanted.'

'Who says you can't have that? I'll even buy polo shirts for you.'

'Thanks, but… I don't know. I grew up, that dream faded. Plus, last time I checked, none of us could give birth to a kid.'

'There are other options.'

'I know, but they are so… impersonal. I know we could have a surrogate in the future, but then that kid would be only just yours or only just mine.'

'Dan…' I start, but I can't finish. What the hell does one say to that?

'I know what you were going to say, that no matter what they would be ours, because it doesn't matter who the biological father is, we'd both love them. And I know that's true, but still. Impersonal.'

'How about adoption then?'

He just shrugs. 'I don't want to talk about it now, if that's okay.'

'Of course. I'm sorry, Bear.' I kiss his temple, lingering there for a few seconds longer than necessary. 'So then, what about PJ's wedding?'

'What about it?'

'What are you gonna wear? What are we getting them?'

'Wait, are we buying their presents together? Because I got theirs a few weeks ago.'

'Oh, what is it?'

'It's just a two week trip to Cornwall, all inclusive. Scott showed me this beautiful place and I knew I had to get it for them. Wait, were you thinking that we should buy gifts together?'

'I mean that seemed logical, but I'm sure I can figure something out.'

'I'm sorry, Lion. We can say that we booked their trip together.'

'That's not what I meant,' I say, smiling lightly. Dan hugs my waist, pulling himself closer to me. 'And it really is fine, I can come up with something. How about your hotel then? Or are you coming back here?'

'No, but I haven't booked my room.'

'Well, mine comes with a king-sized bed, so you're more than welcome.'

'Thank you.'

The living room is quiet, the only noise is coming from Dan's laptop. As much as I tried to think about else, what Louise told me is still on my mind. Was Dan really in such a dark place? And because of me? I'm feeling guilty again.

I just want to tell Dan how sorry I am. But I can't. So instead I just hug him as we keep watching Darcy.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, this fic isn't going to be an mpreg fic. Sorry to destroy all your hopes and dreams.<strong>

**Also, I would like to thank all of the wonderful, fantastic, amazing people who reviewed this fic. You have no idea what those reviews mean to me. I've always been insecure in my writing, because I've always thought everyone is better than me. Okay, to be honest I still think that, but you guys, all of you, even if you just read one sentence, help me a lot. So thank you. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Dan's POV**

Why did Phil's question about adoption make me uncomfortable? I mean that would be pretty much the best option for everyone: there wouldn't be an inevitable argument between us, because one of us is the father. Also, we would provide a home for an orphan. Seriously, it is the perfect choice. Then why did I freak out? I don't even know.

After Darcy finishes her film, we feed her (it was quite successful, she ate her food properly, without any tantrum) then it's time for a nap. She eventually falls asleep on the couch, hugging her blanket and a toy. With her golden locks she really does look like an angel. She wakes up two hours later, all happy so Phil and I decide to take a walk with her. Regent's Park isn't that far away from my flat and it is a beautiful afternoon with the actual Sun, so we take a huge walk. Darcy is sitting in her pushchair, with Phil pushing her and I'm holding Phil's arm. Everything was perfect. Yeah, I can imagine a life like this for us.

'Ah, such a beautiful daughter!' And older woman stops in front of us, she's looking at Darcy. 'Hello, pea soup!' Pea soup? Really? 'And look at that! You have so gorgeous daddies!'

'Uhm, actually, we're just babysitting her, we're not her…' I try to say.

'Ah, still. You'll make gorgeous fathers one day if that's the goal. Enjoy your walk, pea soup!'

She walks away, and Phil and I share a glance. Okay. That was really weird.

Luckily, the rest of the walk is calmer. Darcy gets a bit moody, so we go home. While Phil prepares a snack for her, I start the film again.

'It was a good day,' Phil says, while I reply to Louise who says they are on their way to pick Darcy up.

'Yeah. I liked it. Darcy is a wonderful little human being.'

'Yes.' We both avoid talking about the woman. I mean… I have no idea what is going on. I know we talked about getting married and having kids when we've been only dating for a week, and I'm sort of glad we did, at least we cleared the situation. But… for so long I dreamt about the "perfect" relationship. I know there's no such thing, but still. I don't know. I get up and go to the kitchen. I hear Phil coming after me. 'Are you alright, Bear?' He steps in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders. I shake them off.

'I don't know.' I turn away. Why am I acting like this? Phil's here, Phil's finally with me, he loves me, I love him, so why the fuck am I doing this? 'I just… I just need some time alone. Could you please tell Louise that I'm not feeling fine?'

'Of course.'

'Thank you.'

I go to my room, closing both the door and the curtains. I lie down and just stare at the ceiling for what seems long hours. My mind is actually blank. I just… think about nothing. I needed this. So many things happened in the past two weeks or so that I just needed to be alone for once. Or I don't know. I'm having the same feelings like I did five years ago before I decided to drop out of university. I feel like life is suffocating me. I just… I just have no idea about anything at all.

I know what I need to do with my life, and I really enjoy it, I just… I just can't. I'm not saying that my new job or Phil or anything is too much, I just… There are times when I would like to just give it up. Not like suicide, I'm past that, I would like to just finish everything, quit my job, break up with Phil, unfriend everyone on Facebook, give up my flat and do nothing. Probably I would end up hating myself more, but I really feel I can't do this.

I know I need to talk about this. But who would listen? I feel like no one would. Because no one understands. No one has been through a phase like this.

'Dan?' Phil opens to door quietly. 'Are you hungry?'

'What time is it?'

'7:30.'

'No, thank you.'

'You should eat.'

'Not hungry.'

'Okay.'

I know that Phil's worried. I'd be worried too, if my boyfriend was acting like he's a lunatic. But I don't want to talk to him. I just… I just don't think he'd understand. Also, he's one of the reasons I'm having a crisis. I have no intention of breaking up with him, I just… I j… I don't know.

Another few hours pass, without any notice. I just keep staring at the ceiling. Then, when it's really late (I don't know exactly when, I'm just really tired), Phil opens the door once again.

'Dan?'

'Hm?'

'Can I come to bed? Or do you want me to go home?'

'You can sleep here.'

I get up, because I was lying in the middle of the bed. He starts undressing, but keeps looking at me. 'Are you alright?'

'Yes.'

I take off my pants and T-shirt and wearing only my boxers I lie down. Half a minute later, Phil does the same. It's killing me that there's space between us. It's killing him too. I move a bit closer and take his hand.

'Dan, talk to me.'

'There's nothing to talk about, Lion, I promise. I just had a breakdown, that's all.'

'That's why I'm here. If you have a breakdown, don't shut me out. I can help you.'

'I know, I know, it was just… too much. Everything. Everything happened so fast. I guess it was too much too soon.'

He nods. When he speaks, his voice is barely audible. 'I guess, me moving in is not the best for you then.'

'No, no, it is, that's not what I meant. We're okay, Phil. I love you, more than ever, it's just… don't get me wrong, I'm glad that we talked about marriage and kids and everything, but it all seems so real and I guess it scares me.'

'You don't have to be scared, love.'

'I know. I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you or anything.' I kiss his shoulder. 'I promise I'll talk to you next time this happens, okay?'

'Alright. Just to make sure: you still want me to move in?'

'Of course. I'd be so happy. I guess we can get your stuff tomorrow.'

'Okay.' He sighs and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. 'So, are you okay?'

'Yes, Phil. I'm fine.'

* * *

><p><strong>Meh. Still pretty mojoless. There's another fully written chapter then it's all crickets and tumbleweeds. Chapter 24 is coming on Thursday, but I'm not sure about chapter 25. I'm trying to write it, I have ~600 words, but I might as well just delete it and rewrite the whole thing. It'll be easier after that I think, it's just a huge rock on the road. (Because stupid me, I have no idea how film marketing thing works. I mean I have a bit of a clue, but I like to write as accurately as possible, and I'm afraid I'll get it wrong even though it doesn't really matter that much.)<strong>

**So yeah. I really hope you still like this thing. Not my best work, but I love it and I love the guys, so... Yeah. Again, huge huge, huge thank you for everyone who reads it. I love you all. **

**And sorry for the long A/N.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Smut. Smut everywhere. Not explicit though. But it's still smut.**

* * *

><p><strong>Phil's POV<strong>

I don't think he's fine. He's the complete opposite of fine. I think he's falling apart. But it doesn't matter how many times I ask him, he'll keep giving me the same answers. And the last thing I want to do now is push him into silence.

After Dan falls asleep, I just lie there, thinking. I don't know what caused his current crisis. I really don't. Maybe the fact, that we were talking about the future that much. Maybe he's just freaking out, I don't know. There's one thing I can do: to show him how much I love him, how much I care about him, that I'll be always there for him and he can count on me.

I know it's not the best choice, but… Intimacy is a thing. It makes you more connected. So I start placing gentle kisses on his shoulder, arm, chest.

'Phil?' he says sleepily.

'Hey, sorry to wake you up, beautiful.'

'What are you doing?'

'Showing you how much I love you.'

'At… 1:46? Are you showing me or are you just horny?'

'This is purely about you. If you tell me to stop because you want to sleep instead, I'll stop.'

He takes a deep breath. 'No, never,' he says, pushing his fingers into my hair. He turns a bit, so he's lying on his back. This is not about sex, this is about Dan, and making sure that he knows that he is loved. I kiss his shoulder again, along his collarbone, while I put my legs on his sides. He quietly moans, but it's more like a sigh as I brush my nose against his neck. My lips barely touch his sternum then his nipples, but his grasp gets tighter, pulling my hair a bit. 'Phil…'

'Sshh…' I mumble against is belly.

Dan has the softest skin, I really enjoy kissing it. He has a soft spot just above his belly button, it makes him go crazy. I spend extra time teasing that spot. Meanwhile, I lift my left hand and start gently stroking his inner thigh.

'Phil, please…'

'Just hang in there for a few minutes.'

He grabs my hand with his, placing on his rock hard erection. 'I can't,' he says simply.

I can't stop a giggle. 'Well then, Mr Howell…' I say, as I push down his boxers.

* * *

><p>'Hmmm…' Dan lets out a very, very, <em>very <em>satisfied sigh. I'm lying on my back, but Dan is pretty much all over me, limbs all tangled together. 'Thank you for waking up. You can do it other time too.'

'I might,' I say with a little smile. However, I'm still concerned. 'Are you going to tell me what is bugging you?'

'Is that what it's all about?'

'I'm just really worried, love. I want to make sure you're okay.'

'I am. I promise. I just had a bit of breakdown. Honestly, I have no idea what happened. Or what caused it. Or why. It just did. I guess, that's who I am. You have to get used to this if you want to stay with me. I might just end up being crazy.'

'You're not, and if you do, then we'll go crazy together. I'll keep promising you that.'

'Why are you staying? I'm clearly a nutjob.'

'You are not a nutjob, and I'm staying because I want to, because I'm so desperately in love with you. If you don't believe me, I'll just keep saying "I love you" until you do.'

'Well, you better start, because I don't understand why you would choose a lunatic like me.'

'Alright, then. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I lov…'

'Okay, okay. I get it. You love me.'

'Yes, I do. But if you get it, that's not enough. You don't believe in what I'm saying, do you?'

'It's hard. Here are you, the most amazing person ever, you could get any guy you want. But you choose me. Twice. Why?'

'Because I love you.' I smile sadly. I need to tell Dan something. I know he won't believe me, but I need to try. 'I had a crush on you first. When we were first playing a videogame, I was thinking "Man, he's cute. He's funny, he's adorable, and he's my type."

'Still. I don't believe you.'

'Fine. You know, Adam kept telling me that he loved me but I couldn't say it back. I kept telling him that I didn't know what love was because I never had a proper relationship before. But the truth was that I was in love with you. And I still am. After five years. And I plan on being in love with you for a very long time, okay?'

Dan's quiet, I know he's not asleep, but he doesn't say anything either. So once again, I start kissing his neck, this time more fiercely. 'Alright!' he loves and he pulls me into a kiss. 'I love you too, you absolute dork.'

'Good. Now let's sleep.'

'Well, I was, before _someone _woke me up.'

'I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.'

'Good to know. Can I ask you something?'

'Sure.'

'Next time, can I be on top?'

He asks with such determination. I'm really surprised. He never showed any interest in being the dominant partner, that it really does surprise me. And to be honest, I can't wait. 'Yes.'

'Cool,' he says cheerfully. 'Night, Phil.'

And with that, he turns around, leaving me just hanging there. How am I supposed to sleep now? All I can see is a dominant Dan on top of me.

I try to sleep, I really do, but even though I'm exhausted, I can't. So I just lie there, staring at the ceiling, occasionally turning around. Then I hear Dan as he's giggling quietly.

'Now what?'

'You can't sleep, huh?'

'Well, what do you think? You tell me that you want to top, then you go to sleep? A few minutes ago I almost came, because I was thinking all the scenarios. It doesn't work that way, love.'

'Well, good. Now is a good time, right?'

'Now is a perfect time.'

And with that he kisses me, like never before. Yeah. Now is a perfect time.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I wrote this a week ago, and I have no idea what I was thinking. Seriously, when I reread it now, "What the fudge?" was going through my head. Also, I wrote a proper explicit smut, it's has no connection whatsoever with this story, but it has the same theme. It's on AO3, the link is available on my profile, if you want to read it, feel free to do it. Or I can send you the link, just send me a PM. Love you. :)<strong>


	25. UPDATE

Hey guys! This is not another chapter, just an **update**.

So, **Scent of Pleasure** has been on hiatus for more than a month. I needed this time. I really did. I created a _Phanfic Tumblr_ page, I have been uploading oneshots. But later in January, **I'm gonna be posting Scent of Pleasure there. It'll be edited, there will be new stuff, and the sexy times will be proper explicit sexy times.** (Yes, I discovered the joys of writing explicit smut.)

**You can follow me there: seasonsofphan /./ tumblr /./ com**

I'd be delighted if I met many of you there. I'm so gladful I had you along the journey on here. I'm leaving Scent of Pleasure here the way it is now, but I don't think I'll be posting any new material here. However, if you have any recommendations, Phan or not, feel free to message me.

Thank you.

Seriously.

Thank you.

Love you all.


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